Lesa's Life Lessons

January 23, 2012

2012-01-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

Hello my lovely people of the earth.

This week was BORING. Well not really. But I don't have any really super exciting stories to tell you.

First off, I'd like to lament. I know you've all missed reading my rants about things that I believe to be stupid, and so I will treat you once again to my rant about the dumbest thing on the earth: ALCOHOL.

I'm sure some people reading this are laughing and saying "Whatever! Alcohol, in some degree of moderation, is awesome." I've never drank, so I don't really know if that's true. But I'll tell you what I know from an outsider's perspective. ALCOHOL IS DUMB. It ruins people's lives. It drives families apart. It makes otherwise sensible people fools. It destroys bodies. It is DISGUSTING. And it is one of the greatest evils I've been fighting on my mission. Many of the people we teach have destroyed their lives with drinking and it is the biggest trial they must overcome in order to receive the blessings of the gospel. None of them have enough faith that they can quit because they are so dependant on it. And so they don't quit. And they don't progress. And my heart breaks for them.

If anybody within the sound of my voice (or within capacity to read my words, I suppose) has decided that they want to start drinking or that they love drinking too much to give it up or whatever, SHUT UP. DON'T DO IT. DON'T YOU DARE GO DOWN THAT PATH. And if you "must," please please PLEASE watch how much you drink and how often you drink. Please. I don't want to have to worry about you too.

That being said, I'd like to move on to happier things. And also I would like someone to please send me instructions on how to solve a Rubics cube because it's driving me INSANE.

So we have some recent converts in our ward that are from India, and I had the amazing opportunity to eat at their house. And eating with Indians is a sport. They kept filling my plate higher and higher even when I said I couldn't handle anything more. The food was so spicy and my nose was running and my eyes were watering. But it was delicious. And totally worth it. Ha. Neeta, one of the converts, dressed up my companion in her sari and she looked AWESOME. I was so jealous. And then they tried to teach us this dance but we sucked at it, of course. But it was quite the evening. Best dinner appointment ever.

Right now we have 5 progessing investigators and we find more and more people all the time. It's so great. I love the people we teach! And they are so patient with me and my German. Mostly I think they just view me as a cute little puppy they can pat on the head. Ha.

Speaking of cute little puppies, my companion and I have developed a new way of contacting on the street. She does the talking, and I makes my eyes REALLY big and have a really sad face when they say they aren't interested or don't believe in God or they think we're crazy. Then they feel bad and take a card from us. Ha. Last night this guy kept trying to talk about how religion is crazy and he kept looking at my face and saying "Don't look at me like that! Why are you looking at me like that?!" Then Sister Martinz tried to give him a card and he wouldn't take it, so I made my eyes really big and said, "Bitte?" Hahahaha he melted. And took the card. And then he was nice. We're the dream team.

So. Everyone should tell me when they're birthday is. I hate guessing and I feel stupid when I get it wrong. So please write me and tell me.

Also Valentine's Day is coming up! Who wants to be my Valentine?! I'll let you send me lovely things! And MAYBE I'll send you something. Maybe.

I love you all. Go read "The Women in our Lives" by Gordon B. Hinckley. Right now.

Love,

Sister Young

2012-01-17T14:25:00.001-08:00

Alrighty my friends and family. I was afraid this week would be boring and there would be nothing to say and then WHAM. The weekend hit us like a ton of bricks and I have many wonderful and hilarious things to tell you.

Firstly, we managed to have 3 investigators at Institute this week. How flippin' cool is that?! I praised myself and my companion until I realized that really the Lord is behind it. Duh. So I gave Him a spiritual high-five and thanked him from the bottom of my heart. It's AWESOME to be part of so many little miracles! Ha. Also. Narek, one of the investigators who came, doesn't understand German 100% and it's sometimes hard to communicate. But he came up to us afterwards and said that although he couldn't understand everything, he felt amazing and knew that it was God's spirit and he feels like everyone there is his family and that we're his sisters. So precious.

So. I'm going to tell you a little bit about how weekly planning works in our companionship. Weekly planning is every Saturday and we take a looooong time to think about each and every person we teach and what we need to do for them and what we need to get them to church and so on and so forth. Yikes, I'm really good at run-on sentences. ANYWAYS. Sister Martinz and I get a little distracted. Needless to say, we were talking about one of our investigators and within 5 minutes we were talking about rabbit poo. RABBIT POO. Baahahaha I don't know how this happens.

Mmk. BEST STORY EVER. After weekly planning some of our plans fell out so we were walking around talking to people. Of course. So Sister Martinz sees this guy crossing the street towards us and goes to talk to him. He looks up at us, smiles, and says a bunch of jibberish, presumably in Arabic. Sister Martinz keeps trying to explain that we talk to people about God and that we would like to give him a book about Jesus Christ and he keeps talking and trying to grab our hands. Finally we hear "Wie viele?" which means "How much?" and I start to panic. I grab my companion and start to pull her away but she is DETERMINED to convince him we are NOT prostitutes. She keeps saying things like GOTT! and JESUS CHRISTUS! but he just keeps smiling and pointing in the distance and motioning for us to come with him. AND THEN. He tried to kiss Sister Martinz! Bahahahahaha that really gave her the hint and we ran far far away. Ooooooooooh I can't wait to watch a movie of my life and see that part. Bahahahaha.

Anyways, the next day turned out to be even better. We had SIX investigators at church!!! 4 of them we knew and were expecting, one of them was a friend of a less-active member that came, and then. Bahaha I chuckle even thinking about it. So there is an American girl here named Kenna who has an off-semester right now at BYU-I so she decided to chill in Germany for a while. Cool. Anyway, she was walking to church and this dude came up to her, obviously high out of his mind, and asked her where she was going. She said she was going to church and he asked if he could come along. Hahaha so she shows up with this guy, Mikey (from America), and he is CRAZY intoxicated and heaven knows what else, and he stayed ALL THREE HOURS. And he wants to come back next week. Ooooooooh your adventures as a missionary. So great. But the really great thing about all of this is the ward thinks we are miracle missionaries and so now they love us even more. Win.

Also, I found out that I can by delicous french bread here in the stores and so I do. All the time. And I love it. Don't tell the Germans!!

I love you beautiful people. And I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone's emails and letters fast enough!! I'm trying. Promise.

Love,

Sister Young

2012-01-10T14:25:00.001-08:00

My address here in Langenhorn is:

Sister Lesa Young
Kirche Jesu Christi
Gehlengraben 9a
22415 Hamburg
Germany

2012-01-10T14:21:00.001-08:00

Yo.

This week has been the craziest thing ever. But first let me tell you the most important things.

Firstly, I stopped shaving. Like, my body is a forest. That's how bad it is. But you know what? IT KEEPS ME WARM. So I'm not shaving till Spring.

Also the heater in our bathroom also happens to be a towel rack. I LOVE GERMANY.

Mmk. Eating here is so whack. I already told you they feed us till we sweat the food out of our pores, but did I mention that they never drink anything?? They'll pour you a giant glass of CARBONATED WATER (the most DISGUSTING drink EVER) and then nobody touches it until everyone is done eating. So then I have to chug this nasty crap and it hurts my throat. So lately I've been asking for stille wasser (normal water) and they look at me like I'm crazy. But I don't care!!! I do what I WANT. And then they always offer tea, so I'm learning to like it.

The weather is rain rain rain. That is all. I think I've seen the sun twice. Also I bought my first pair of boots ever and they are fabulous. Why have I not done this before???

So. The language. I'm sure you'd all like to know that I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP THIS LANGUAGE IS SO FLIPPIN RIDICULOUS and I can't understand a single word. That's a lie. I understand "Nein!" and also "Ja!", and that is not helpful for me. Pooooooooooooooo.

BUT. We (my companion and I) have big big plans. 4 baptismal dates at the end of our time together (12 weeks/2 transfers). Currently we have 3 progressing investigators (one already with a baptismal date) and 4 new ones, so I am not worried. We pray and pray that these people pull through. All of them are super dooper awesome.

Which reminds me!! I have 2 miracle stories for the week.

Miracle #1 - So Sister Martinz and I went out in the boonies of our area to try to find this person that's apparently in our ward because they're on the member list but nobody has any idea who they are. So we go to their apartment building and try to ring her but she's not answering. But we can't go all the way there for nothing! So Sister Martiz presses a random button and this lady answered and let us up!!!!! Do you understand how incredibly rare that is???!? It was crazy. So we met Dea from Sri Lanka. She's awesome, but she doesn't want lessons until God gives her a sign haha. I'm not worried though. IT WILL HAPPEN.

Miracle #2 - We were expecting some people for church who ACTUALLY CAME. Ryssat (from Poland) said that his experience at church made him want to really change his life so he's finally going to meet with us on a regular basis. He brought a friend of his that we met once named Erika. She's from Russia and doesn't speak very good German, so she was really unsure about coming because she wouldn't be able to understand. But lo and behold, one of the nicest ladies in the ward just happens to speak Russian and she translated the whole sacrament meeting for her. Erika started crying because she was so happy. AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BIGGEST MIRACLE!! We stopped a lady on the street the other day and gave her a card with the address to our church on it. I kept telling my companion that she was going to come and of course she did. SHE CAME TO CHURCH. AND SHE LOVED IT. Aaaaaaaah. It's days like that that really help you when you're feeling poopy.

Random thought: did I tell you that my companion is a midwife? Because she is!! One more reason everything is freaking awesome.

BUT. Don't let my jolly words fool you into thinking missions are the greatest thing ever. I'm sure they are in hindsight, but they sure are hard. I feel like I'm being tested in ways that were not even possible. And I'm not even a transer into my mission! Yikes.

Well my lovlies. Your scripture for the week is Psalms 36:7 and your piece of advice is: if you go on splits with the missionaries, PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING STUPID OR CONFUSING. K thanks.

Lurve.

Sister Young

2012-01-02T12:39:00.000-08:00

January 2, 2012

I'm alive!!!! Can you believe it? Me either. Also this keyboard I'm using is ridiculous. Hopefully I get faster at this.

SO! Big news. Biiiiiiig news.

First of all I should say that my first real day of the mission here was awesome. The Mission President took us to a place that everyone in the mission calls "Mauer Platz", or "wall place." The Berlin wall used to stand there. So we read from the dedicatory prayer that Thomas S. Monson gave like 40 or 50 years ago that said that the land of East Germany will be open to the gospel once more. Then he let us go to our own private place on the other side of where the wall was (in former East Germany) and say our own prayer to dedicate ourselves to the missions. Then I had to take a picture of me with my awesome missionary nametag as kind of a SUCK IT message to the former East Germany. WE WON. Ha.

After that we were swept away to meet all the trainers and get assigned to our new areas. And...I'm...in...HAMBURG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dream come true. Seriously. This is the best place ever, mostly because they speak High German and that's the only German I can (barely) understand. Ha. It's a miracle.

So technically I'm in a place called Langenhorn, which is north Hamburg. There used to be a concentration camp here. Why am I not surprised....??? Anyway, it's AWESOME here because we actually have a ward (our congregation has about 80 people) and we always have appointments so I don't spend a lot of time walking around trying to find people to teach. I also speak French all the time!!!!! Aaaaaaaah. We have an investigator with a baptismal date right now and we're hoping to have several more by the end of the month. Wiiiiiin. Also the members are so awesome. SO AWESOME and I love them and I feel like we're already family.

My trainer's name is Sister Martinz and she's AMAZING. God must really love me because I totally got the whole package. She's from Austria which means my German should be perfect soon, since she's always making me speak German. Ha. She's hilarious and we get along soooo well. Everyone here loves her so I'm excited to work here and with her. Yay.

One thing Sister Martinz is really good at is making me talk to people. Oooooh it is so painful, but I do it. In the end it always turns out to be a hilarious experience. In our mission, we've been challenged to make one new appointment every single day with one new person. We're pretty much rockstars at it, considering Sister Martinz's fullproof plan - if we haven't been able to find anyone and the clock is ticking, find the nearest black person because they never mind meeting with us. Hahahahaha! Contacting (or talking to people on the street) is hilarious. You meet the funniest and weirdest people ever. And the best. Most people throw their hands up in the air and shout "Kein interrest!" But at the end of the day you realize that Mormons really are a bunch of weirdies that are trying to convert everyone to their church, so people's reactions to you are normal. I would probably do the same thing.

Let me tell you a little bit how it works. We'll be walking down the street and see someone turing a corner and walking towards us. Prime opportunity. Then they get close enough to you to realize who you are and they start panicking. You can see it in their eyes, they want to run away! But the only options are to jump in the bushes to their left or run into a car on their right. So they put their heads down and avoid eye contact at all costs. BUT the GREAT thing about Germans is that if you say "Entshuldigung!" they feel obligated to stop and see how they can help you. Germans are very helpful. So they're trapped. They get close enough to hear "Entschuldigung! Wir sind von die Kirche Jesu Christi und wir sprechen mit die Menschen über Gott!" and they have to stop, listen for a second, then proceed to throw their hands up in the air. Aaaaaah it's hilarious to watch the whole thought process happening.

Eating here is the most EXHAUSTING thing EVER. SO MUCH FOOD. And all of it is the heaviest food you could ever possibly put into your body. I can't even move after. So. I love all of you for all the wonderful packages you gave me at Christmas with delicious treats, but DON'T EVER SEND ME FOOD EVER AGAIN. EVER. I AM DYING FROM OVEREATING. Please and thank you.

What you MAY send me if you so desire is warm clothes. It's freezing here, especially when you wear a skirt!!!! I wear 3 pairs of tights everyday and I'm STILL cold. Yikes. But no snow yet, thank goodness.

People. I have so so so many letters to write and not enough time, so you may not get any letters for awhile. But there's hope!! Our Mission President allows us 2 HOURS to write emails and says we can write friends and family! So please, drop a note. I'd love to hear from you, and I can respond faster this way.

I love you all.

Sister Young

2011-12-31T21:56:00.001-08:00

Yo. Dec 28, 2011

I'm in Deutschland now!!!!!!!!!! And guess what. It's cold here. Ha.

So here's a play by play of my travels:
We flew to Minnesota and then to Amsterdam and then to Berlin. In case you were wondering, having a cold and being in an airplane is like the WORST experience ever. I still can't hear because my ears are all messed up. But the flights weren't so bad and I'm glad to be done with that.

We were greeted by our Mission President and his wife at the airport. I decided I really like being greeted in English, particularly when I don't speak the language of the country. They took us to a church building, had us pack a small bag for a couple days, and we left our luggage there. Then we went to the mission office and did some paperwork. Did you know I'm a licensed minister now? I can marry people! So if you want to get married, come to Germany and I will do it.

Anyway, we chilled there for awhile then we went to our hotel and ate dinner. Eating German food is exhausting. You're expected to eat SO MUCH FOOD and I can't do it. I'm going to die here. Then we went to bed at 7pm. You better believe it.

So we're doing things a little differently because we're waiting on some missionaries coming from the MTC in England (they're native German speakers from Austria and Switzerland) so we're chilling with the Mission President today and we won't go to our areas until tomorrow. Pray that I get a native German or Austrian or Swiss trainer!!!

Alright, I'll email again on Monday. I love you. I pray for all of you. And I hope your Christmas was amazing!!!

Ich liebe y'all.

Love,
Sister Young

2011-12-20T15:11:00.001-08:00

December 19, 2011

Listen people. I leave in a WEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!! Oh my heavens I am so READY to leave. I've been here for ages.

Feminist story of the week: Every Tuesday we have a devotional here where prominent church leaders come to talk. They usually bring their wife, who speaks for about 10 minutes, and then the dude will talk for like 45 minutes. Sometimes it totally sucks because the wife is waaaaaay better than her husband. Anyway, so I was complaining about this to my district and I told them I was going to pray for a woman to come who would talk longer than her husband. You better believe God answered my prayers because the very next week Elaine Dalton came and gave the most incredible devotional EVER and her husband who preceded her only talked for 10 minutes. God loves me.

I totally forgot to mentiont this before, but my wonderful companion's mother sent me a lanyard a little while ago that I put my key and stuff on. It reads "BREASTFEEDING TOUCHES EVERYONE." It's the greatest gift I've ever received.

Also I aruged with an Elder in my district about slavery. Why would that even be a discussion, you ask? Because this particular Elder doesn't believe it's wrong. Don't ask me how we got on the subject, I don't even know. But I can promise you that I spoke my peace and now I try to avoid him at all costs. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO IGNORANT?! a;sdlkfja;lsdkjg;lakjdfgl;jkasdklfj

I will tell you all a bad secret. It's called: I can't stop dreaming about watching my favorite movies. I've had several dreams where I'm in the middle of "Hook" or I'm just watching the movie "Ever After." It's insane. That's all I'm going to do when I get back. Also can everyone commit right now to watching "Midnight in Paris" this week? Do it for me. I miss that movie so much.

This week I have to say goodbye to everyone and a part of me is going to die inside. But I am so FREAKING excited for Germany!!!! I hope you all still write me, even though it's a little more expensive. Also please pray that I get a native-German speaking companion when I get out there. Please.

Well, I'm sorry this is so short. I'm really tired and I'm sick today. But I love you all and just remember - the next time you hear from me I'll be in DEUTSCHLAND!!!!

Love,
Sister Young

2011-12-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

December 12, 2011

What is up my peoples?!?!?!

I know, I miss you too. Also I have many things to tell you. Because I know you absolutely love lists, here's one for you:

CRAZIEST WEEK EVER

1. There is a missionary here named "Elder Fickin." It means the f-word in German. You have no idea how hilarious that is for us Deutschers. Oh how I wish he was coming to Germany!

2. Can I just tell you how amazing all my friends are? Because they're the best. Friends in the real world, friends here in the MTC...I am SO freaking blessed.

3. There is an Elder here who will NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE. Help?!?!?

4. I had this interview with this really sexist old man and it went something like this -

Old man: Why aren't you married? You're pretty enough.
Me: Oh I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the fact that LOOKS AREN'T THE ONLY THING THAT FACTOR INTO MARRIAGE/ I DON'T TO BE MARRIED/ I AM ON A MISSION WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?!?!?!?!

Later....

Old man: Well obviously your feministic views are prohibiting you from having a normal relationship with men.
*pause*
Old man: How do you feel right now?
Me: Well, I feel that you have no idea who I am and therefore are making judgements against me that are unfounded. You have preconceived notions of who I am because I'm a "feminist" and that's driving your perception of me.
Old man: That's probably true.

You might think I'm kidding, but I'm not. That's really how it went down. And I really did say those things back to him, but that shouldn't really suprise you.

5. So the music lady here found me and made me promise to come back into auditions and sing "O, Holy Night." Can you believe it?!?!? After my traffic accident of performance last time, she's insisting that I sing for Christmas. Ridiculous. But yes, I'm doing it. No idea why.

6. Ok. So we have something called the TRC and I'm pretty sure I already told you about this. Anyway, so one of the volunteers who comes in is a student at BYU and she's from Germany. We have had her EVERY SINGLE WEEK (which is unusual because we usually switch up the people we teach every week). Oh, and did I mention that she's not a mormon in real life? Way to add the pressure. Anyway, so we've actually grown pretty close to her these past few months and this week she made us earrings! How cool is that??! Also she wrote on her comment card that she'd like to start coming to church and read the Book of Mormon. Aaaaaaah. I'm going to miss her so much :(

7. Did you people know that 1 in 5 old mormon men served in Germany? I swear it's true.

8. Teaching here is one of the most frustrating and rewarding things I have ever done. Most days we can't speak German the way we want and our investigator is not understanding and it's a big mess. But every once in a while you'll have an AMAZING lesson where your German still wasn't perfect but the Spirit is totally there and your investigator is opening up and telling you everything you wanted to hear and more and it's just awesome. Just so you know.

Well my peeps, the church is true. I love you a whole lot.

ALSO! I know you all want to send me Christmas packages of love, but you should know that they need to get to me BEFORE Dec. 23rd. K thanks.

I love you!

Sister Young

2011-12-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

December 5, 2011

I am down to 3 WEEKS!!!!!!! DREI WOCHES!!!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord.

So. New things this week....nicht. Just kidding. I made some new friends and we are pretty much bffs. There's a group of missionaries going to Norway and their classroom is kind of by ours and for some reason I started talking to them one day and now we are so tight. There's a solo sister (meaning she doesn't have a companion) in there who might be my friendship soulmate, just saying. And there is a dude from Iceland! Dream come true! Meeting someone from an obscure country, that is. He is WEIRD. That's probably why we are all best friends. So it's pretty nice to have a change from the ordinary.

One of our roommates that was supposed to leave last week had to get surgery last minute! I feel so so bad. It's been really hard on her, so please keep Sister Westover in your prayers. So now there's 3 of us in our room, but we're getting some new Deutschers this week, and I'm pretty sure 3 of the sisters are moving into our room. Woof. I hope they're cool or I will die.

German. I haven't talked about my progess in the language for awhile, probably because it depresses me. BUT I'm doing...ok. I hate learning it from returned missionaries. I don't trust their grammar and I don't trust their accents. SO I've started to rewrite my entire grammar book on 3x5 cards. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I'm on page 50 in my grammar textbook and I'm loving it. For some reason I find great joy in doing this activity. Also we've started to speak German 24/7 around here, so hopefully that helps. I'm pretty sure we all sound like cavemen. But we get our point across, and that's what's important right now.

Also, I'm going to officially inform the world that I have a new nickname here, and I can't disclose it because you'll have to write me for it. But basically everyone here teases me because all the black guys here love me. Like, they seek me out of a crowded room to come talk to me. One of them said he wanted to marry me (don't worry, I told him that he was super creepy and to leave me alone). I don't know what it is. Actually, I do. But you'll have to write me to find out.

The funny thing about weird 19 year old boys that are all of the sudden thrown into a world where they have to think about Jesus 24/7 and never touch a girl is that they start to find EVERY sister here at least a little attractive. But then they feed that in their mind and all of the sudden you're the hottest thing on the face of the planet and they all want to sit by you at lunch. THEN they realize that they shouldn't be talking to you and they get SUPER weird and say STUPID things. And then you tell them to go away and they run with their little tails inbetween their legs. THIS PLACE IS WEIRD.

Thank you for all your letters!!!!! They keep me sane. Also, the closer it gets to Christmas the more depressed I become because I can't be with my family. And Christmas is the best time of the year at the Young house! But I will be in Germany so soon and THEN I can rejoice.

I love you all my little kinders.

Sister Young

2011-11-30T16:37:00.000-08:00

November 29, 2011

Hello friends and family!

I am still alive, believe it or not. Also I only have 4 weeks left!!!!!! I know that seems like forever, and it is, but the weeks tend to fly by really fast around here. The days feel excruciatingly long though. Death.

So. Everyone keeps asking me if I've seen any cool famous Mormons, and I got double dose of Apostle love last week for Thanksgiving. Elder Christofferson AND Elder Nelson came last week. For my nonmormon lovely friends, those are two Apostles of the Lord. Yes, just like Peter or James or John. Not even kidding. Anywho, they gave amazing talks and I will only share what they said if you write me a letter.

Thanksgiving was the best day ever because I DIDN'T HAVE CLASS FOR ONCE. Also I got to sleep in a little bit. Also the food was gross, but I was sustained by the delicious treats my Grandparents and my parents sent! Thanks!!! Anyway, all in all it was pretty great. I had a lot of fun and experienced a lot of spiritual upliftment. Oh, and they let us watch "17 Miracles" before going to bed. Have you ever seen it? It's pretty cheesy, but oh well. It was a movie and we were dying.

Today the 4 other girls that my companion and I live with are leaving for their missions in the Phillipines. I'm going to be in the worst mood ever, I can already tell. They are so so so great and the best people to come home to every night. Poo! BUT they will be amazing missionaries and I am so excited for them.

Also I wore bright hot pink tights the other day and didn't even have anyone tell me not to, so HA! Now I'm the coolest kid on the block. Fo sho.

Ok so we had to practice "tracking" last week during class and so we'd knock on doors in our building and the teachers would pretend to be different people and we'd try to give them a short message and set up an appointment for another time. It was probably one of the more hilarious things I've ever done here. I met a Jehovah's Witness (who was actually pretty nice), a creeper who kept all the lights off in the room and only opened the door a crack, someone who was convinced that we were a cult and wouldn't stop shouting it, and FINALLY someone who was reluctant to let us in but did because we're AWESOME. Also he had some pretty tough questions but we promised we'd answer all of them. I love saying with confidence that we have all the answers to your questions. Because we DO.

Well my lovelies, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you have a fabulous week. Also, I sent out like 10 letters a little while ago and I've only heard back from 2 people. Can you at least send me a little "dear elder" telling me you got it? Because I'm worried. K thanks.

WRITE ME PEOPLE.

Love,

Sister Young

2011-11-23T17:24:00.000-08:00

November 21, 2011

I am officially half way through the MTC!! Kind of. This is the start of my 5th week so I still have forever. But I'm almost there.

So. Guess what!!!! Another boring week. Sorry. I wish I had a lot of cool things to say, but I don't. Being a missionary in Provo is the most boring thing EVER. Just so you know.

Well half of our branch was shipped out to Germany this week, so now we're down to like...19 missionaries. And guess what!! We have more Sister missionaries than Elders right now. Obviously Germany prefers us. Duh.

So both of our "investigators" now have a baptism date. Oh yes, we're awesome. I know. And of course this is real life, so that means I'll have the same success over in Europe. Ha.

Also. Worst news ever. So I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but this Elder ended up finding me through like 5 people here and asked me to sing a song he wrote for one of the devotionals we have here. So for some STUPID reason I said yes and we auditioned and everything was great. So then yesterday I go to perform it and I lose my voice. Literally. It was gravely and low and weird. So I had to sing this song in front of a bunch of people and it was the worst thing ever. I cried for an HOUR after and wanted to die. My branch president's wife was the only person who managed to comfort me. So she spread around to everyone she could not to say ANYTHING about it to me because everytime someone did I started crying. Like when a girl in the cafeteria came up to me and said, "I study voice, so I know where you messed up. But I want you to know that everything else was amazing!" Maybe I punched her. A little bit. Jokes. But I thought about it. Obviously the MTC makes me ridiculously emotional. It's terrifying how easily I burst into fits of anger or just start crying without being prompted. I'm annoying myself, trust me. I'll work on this so this NEVER happens when I get back. I'll be [somewhat] normal, I promise!!

Best news of the week? A fellow Sister missionary in my district made me the happiest person alive. She ran up to me yesterday and said, "Sister Young! I have an inappropriate joke. I thought you'd appreciate it." Basically my life was made. And just for the record, it wasn't even bad. She's a missionary. Our sense of what "inappropriate" is has been dramatically warped. We think of ourselves as inappropriate when we sneak dance parties in the hallway or sit on the floor. I'm not even joking. But don't worry, we do it anyway.

So, lovely people. Keep writing me. PLEASE. Even if it's to say "poop" or to tell me how awesome you think I am. K thanks.

Danke my darlings. Love you.

Sister Young

2011-11-15T14:57:00.000-08:00

Hellllllllllo.

So. MTC. I feel like I just keep repeating myself over and over and over. Oh well.

I forgot to tell everyone about this, but Elaine S. Dalton, president of the Young Women's program, came to speak here at Relief Society and it was AMAZING. That's really the only person you'd know that's come so far. I'll keep you posted.

So we have 2 new investigators named Eddy and Michael. Eddy is from Ghana and he freaking LOVES Jesus. More than anyone I know, I'm pretty sure. He's doing well except he keeps praying to Jesus and we're having a hard time trying to convince him that we need to pray to God haha. Michael is the most apathetic investigator EVER and I have no idea what to do with him. He never has any questions and never shows any emotion. Pray for us.

Also. You must know that the number 11 in German is "elf," so of course it would only be natural that all the German speakers got together here on 11/11/11 at 11:11 and had an Elf day party. The sisters tried to dress like elves, but the closest we got was wearing "woodsy" colors because we were forest elves, of course. I'm pretty sure my sense of humor as a missionary is ridiculous. I hope I'm normal when I get back.

Thursday was our first day at the TRC where we talk to real Germans and just practice getting to know them. The TRC used to be the place where we taught investigators, but now it's just for "member lessons." Anyway, so it was incredibly terrifying but the guys in our room were so so so nice. One of them said to me right after we had introduced ourselves said, "So you speak french?" Hahaha I laughed so hard and then was really embarrassed about my heavy french accent. But he said I speak really really well and he would never have guessed I had only been here 3 weeks! So yay. Also, if you speak German (Heidi and Andrew) it's on Tuesday at 3pm and 4pm. I don't know which time I'm at so stay for the 2 hours if I'm at 4pm. Please please please.

I don't know if I've already said this, but we have an incredibly conservative elder here that I LOVE to tease. Anyway, so I hadn't gotten on his nerves in a while so I decided to draw the Tree of Life vision from Lehi's dream (if you don't know what this is, ask the nearest mormon) and I drew the "great and spacious building" as corporate America. Needless to say, the elder just about ripped my head off. It was so great.

Also SOMEONE is spreading a rumor that I can sing and now 2 elders are trying to find me so I can sing with them!!!! What the heck?!?!?! So now I have to audition with one of them on Thursday and I'M GOING TO DIE. Poo.

One last thing. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for the letters!!!! I feel so special everyday. And also because I've gotten quite a few you'll have to give me a little time to write you back. But many many people are receiving letters this week. Ok? Ok good.

I love you all my little teddy bears. Have a lovely week!!

Sister Young

2011-11-07T18:38:00.000-08:00

November 7, 2011

HEYYYYYYYYY.

So I miss all your guts. Just so you know. Also I'm really happy about everyone's effort to send me mail. Please don't burn out by the time I leave. This has to last for 18 months. OK?!?!?! Also, a lot of letters are in the mail for people who wrote me. So if you want one, WRITE ME.

Ok. Bragging time. Remember how I was telling you that we teach an "investigator?" Well, ours got baptized. We were the only ones to commit him!!!! Ha. So now we have 2 new investigators, and we'll have 2 more next week. Yikes. I can barely teach. We literally read everything word for word out of our german Preach My Gospel. It's pretty bad haha.

Funny story. So our first investigator actually ended up become our teacher at the end of our second week. Weird, right?!?! Anyway, he basically loves me and Sister Dean because we're so awesome at committing everyone to everthing, but then I ruined it and I think he hates me. We were doing role playing the other day so we could practice our door approaches and the introduction to our message and I was paired up with Sister Marquardt. This is our lovely conversation:

Me (as missionary, after she let me in and we're talking about life): So Helga (yes, she decided to go by that), how are you doing today?

Helga: Terrible. My cat just died and I'm really distraught.

Me: (whilst laughing) Oh I'm sorry! What was your cat's name?

Helga: Shelly.

So I suggested we say a prayer and I asked the Lord to bless her cat. DUH. But Helga totally lost it and we both started cracking up and our teacher came in and was like "Excuse me?? Where's the spirit?! I don't think this is appropriate." I explained to him that I really cared about her and her cat and the best way to show that is to pray for them. But I think he still hates me for praying for Helga's cat Shelly so now I'm in big trouble. And it's all Helga's fault.

I just want everyone to know that I'm losing weight and I am sooooooo proud of myself because everyone else is getting super fat hahaha. WIN. I only eat salads though. It helps.

I have hilarious pictures to give everyone, so if you want one write me. NOW.

Also, I have several letters waiting to be sent but I want to give you a picture so please be patient.

I love you all my darlings. Don't forget about me!!!!!

-Message from Lesa's sibling- P.S. Lesa's First message was unavailable to post, sorry for the inconvenience.

Lesson #70

2011-10-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) I'm gone. Forever. Jokes.

So I'm technically a missionary now so I'm not supposed to be on here. Oops. But you need my info!!!!!!!

Ok. I will be at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah for about 9 weeks. This means that any letters or packages you want to send before the end of December should be sent to this address. There are 2 ways of communicating with me here:

#1. Dearelder.com

If you visit that website you can write me a letter that will be printed off right there at the MTC and given to me that same day. So write me random crap so I will have something to look forward to every single day. Gut.

#2. My mailbox.

This is my official address:

Sister Lesa Young

MTC Mailbox # 350

GER-BER 1227

2005 N 900 E

Provo, UT 84604-1793

Send me packages and I will love you.

_____________________________________

NOW. If you'd like to communicate with me after Christmas, I will be in Germany. You can reach me two ways.

#1. Write me an email!!

lesa.young@myldsmail.net

#2. Send me a letter. And a package. This is my new address:

Sister Lesa Young

Germany Berlin Mission

Zerbster Strasse 42

12209 Berlin

Germany

All this information will be posted on the side in my "about me" section under my picture. Also, my weekly emails to my family will be posted and updated every week on this site. So read this every Monday!!! It's my special treat to you.

I love you. I'm going to miss you. Please don't have any life changing events while I'm gone.

Auf Wiedersehen.

-Sister Young

ps. Under the "My Lovers" section on this page you can select "join this site" and it can send you an email every time my blog is updated, in case you're interested.

Lesson #69

2011-10-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Love Your Body Day.

So. Today is "Love Your Body Day," according to NOW [National Organization for Women] Foundation. As a bored feminist, I will of course write a blog post about loving my body. Because I do.

You might remember this post I wrote a while back that basically encompasses everything that this day stands for. Twas great. However, I'm going to take a different approach today. And yes, my favorite blog did give me this idea that I am a little bit copying.

Instead of talking about how the media is a terrible influence on women and girls, or how we should learn to love how we look, I kinda want to talk about how freaking amazing our actual bodies are. Seriously though, they're amazing. So I will share with you things I enjoy that my body does for me.

My favorite things about my body...GO:

#1. I can grow a person in my belly.

Just think about it. Isn't that amazing? Even more amazing is the fact that my body can squeeze that tiny person through a space that reeeeeaaally can't fit a head right now. Promise.

#2. Pain.

I don't know if you've really thought about it like this, but pain is your body's defensive mechanism. It lets you know when something isn't going alright so you can catch the problem early. If you break your arm, the pain restricts you from moving your arm too much because your body knows that you need to keep it still. Without pain we would all be dead I think. At least I would.

#3. Eyes, ears, mouth, and nose.

All those things provide my senses, and I thank God everyday that I have all my senses. I can watch beautiful films, I can listen to moving music, I can taste delicious [french] food, and I can smell autumn.

There are a million and one things I love about my body, and a couple things I tell myself I could live without. But seriously, what a gift. We are so lucky.

Plus, I can ride a bike! In France no less.

I'm sorry for the lame picture. It's the only picture I have of me moving. Sad, I know.

This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival

Lesson #68

2011-10-11T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) EMOTIONS.

Ok. This post is dedicated to my brother because he HATES my blog, especially when I write about politics. But poo on him because a.) he reads my blog anyway and b.) I love pissing him off.

Lots of crap has been blowing up my phone phone [not a typo, if you don't understand GET WITH IT] with political and social chaos lately. It's ridiculous. And IT'S MAKING ME GRUMPY.

I love lists. Let's start.

#1. Apparently Mormonism is a cult. Mormons aren't "christian" either.

I would first like to say that I DO NOT ENDORSE MITT ROMNEY IN ANY WAY. However, all this crap about Mormons is ridiculous. I shouldn't even have to defend my church in this case because a.) I reeeeaaaaally don't believe somebody's religion should play any part in this and b.) the guy creating all the fuss is a close-minded IDIOT. So move on, peeps. There's nothing to see.

#2. Occupy Wall Street is pretty darn big now and I think people are jealous they're not involved in all the action.

I've heard a lot of criticism of the movement, but I, for one, am fully behind the idea they're trying to get across to the public. Does that surprise you? Of course it doesn't. But since a lot of weenie whiners out there are "confused at their objective," let me show you a cool graph. I know you love plain and simple pictures!

Put simply, the top 2% is like 50 bajillion times bigger than the bottom 98%. Don't quote me on that. But THIS is what we're concerned about. They don't pay enough taxes. They control Congress. They are creating a social class crisis. Do you get it? Yes? GOOD.

Also, I'm going to throw this in for fun because I LIKE IT. And she is my hero.

Woot.

#3. Women, War, and Peace.

I wrote a paper on this earlier this year. I find it to be one of the most important topics that should be on the table today. So when I found out that PBS was doing a series on it, I almost peed my pants with excitement.

Women, War & Peace from Women, War & Peace on Vimeo.

I just love PBS so much. Sooooo much.

Goodnight my fools.

Lesson #67

2011-10-08T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Shut your face.

Listen people.

I don't want to talk about Germany.

I don't want to think about my mission.

I don't want you to tell me to stop freaking out. I will puke all over your shoes if you do.

I'm just pretending it's not real for the time being. And no, I don't care what you have to say about that.

Just be quiet.

Mmk thanks.

Lesson #66

2011-10-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Regrets.

WARNING: I am about to get super sentimental. If you hate feelings, leave now.

Before I get into the thick of it, you must listen to this song whilst reading:

Ok, folks. I can't help but review all my life when I listen to this song. I love it so much. BUT I guess I really start thinking about all the things I wish I did differently. I used to tell myself that I never regret anything because it got me to where I am today. To a point, that's very true. But really it's important to regret things. How else could we make right all our wrongs?

Aaaaaanyway, I've narrowed it to my top 3 regrets that for some stupid reason I'm going to share with all the blogging world. Stupid.

#1. I regret not pursuing music.

I miss performing more than anything on this planet. That sounds ridiculous to all the people who know that I get sooooo nervous even to sing to someone in my living room. But once you push me on that stage and get me started, I never want to stop. Music is my heart and soul. And I don't think that I will ever stop dreaming of singing on a real Broadway stage. Or in a jazz club. But that will NEVER happen. I'm too chicken.

#2. Getting good grades.

Ok, I'm not a complete failure in this area, but I have limited myself. Not that I would ever go to grad school, but if I did I probably couldn't make it into any of the universities I really like. I don't regret, however, all the AMAZING things I accomplished during my time in college. Woot woot for all the random road trips and late night snaking and ridiculousness that [sober] college consists of.

#3. Not being a better friend.

I don't try as hard as my friends deserve. The worst thing is that I know it. Gah I'm such a bad person. I wish I was a better listener. I wish I was more grateful. I wish I was nicer and more understanding and just better.

Ok now I'm just annoying myself. This is what happens when you're about to "leave" life for 18 months - you just act like you're about to die. Which is pretty much true.

You know what I'll never regret? Saving and spending all my money to go to France...

...and some other stuff.

Lesson #65

2011-09-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) The missing women.

The World Bank has officially released the 2012 World Development Report on Gender Equality and Development. These reports on gender equality that are produced by the World Bank or the United Nations and other similar organizations are a relatively new thing, as the phenomenon of women being treated as dirt has been barely realized in past decades as a serious matter that, if improved, could actually decrease poverty. Imagine that!

Looking through the report's fancy charts and graphs, I noticed that they've furthered research on the missing women theory. In fact, they have found that "nearly 4 million women go missing each year in developing countries." Firstly, you should understand that by "missing" they don't mean someone kidnapped them or they just up and left to live in the jungle. It means that 4 million women die each year to causes that should have been prevented.

Amartya Sen actually published an article in 1990 (linked above) claiming that there are over 100 million women missing in Asia due to sex-selective abortions, female infanticide, and unequal medical treatment given to girls. Of course this continues today, and I find it to be one of the most depressing truths about the world.

Here's the chart provided on their website:

I think it's safe to assume that most of you won't even bat an eyelash at this report. I'll tell you that I don't feel like I learned anything new from this. They've produced the same information every year. Women are dying and nobody cares. Women can't get an education and nobody cares. Things have DEFINITELY improved, thanks to those who try to do something about it. But most don't. So, if you could do me a favor and just during your day sometime pray for these women around the world, I would love you forever.

And excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep.

Lesson #64

2011-09-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Where have you been?!

Mmk. I'm reeeaaaally sorry about not updating this lately. BUT here are things of late:

a) I moved back to my lovely home state. Gag me.

b) I wake up at noon everyday and watch Netflix. Love my life.

c) I chill with the sister missionaries all the live long day.

That is it. Shortest blog post ever. I'll update maybe tomorrow. Or the next day.

Oh! And my hair is dark again. I have ADD with my hair. Don't ask.

I love you all.

Lesson #63

2011-08-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) You only read this for my controversial topics, so I'd like to supply you with some more.

First things first: LADY PARTS

I'm sure a lot of you squirm at the thought of discussing this topic (men and women alike), to which I would like to tell you to GET OVER IT. Ladies: You have them, so stop being embarrassed about talking about them. Gentlemen: At some point in your life you will have to live with the realities of this, so stop fussing so much. SHEESH.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be "graphic." I just would like to point something out. I am a woman. Naturally, I've determined this based on my physical differences between my male counterparts. I was born this way, and I like me this way. My lady parts allow me to have all sorts of advantages, namely the ability to have babies, not get hurt when hit in the crotch with a ball, etc. So I DO NOT appreciate when ANYONE, men or women, make me feel like my natural body is gross or tainted or unmentionable.

My body is beautiful just the way it is. All bodies are. But guess what. Every month, like clockwork, I have a PERIOD. No, it is not necessarily the cutest feature I possess, but I do not hate it and I do not feel dirty when I'm experiencing it. It is not a gross thing, so STOP BEING SO AFRAID OF IT!!!!!

Second topic: PRO-CHOICE

I am pro-choice. I think I have mentioned this on a previous occasion, but I did not expand.

For those out there that don't understand this terminology, it means that I believe a woman has the right to an abortion if she so chooses. No, I would not personally choose to do so, and no, I do not advise women to do so. However, if that is their decision, I support them.

I've upset a lot of people by saying this, but I think watching this short video would help you broaden your view just a little bit. Hopefully.

As someone who studies poverty, I know that controlling the population can help tremendously with controlling poverty. I also know that some women are so desperate to not have to feed another child that if we do not legalize abortions, they will do it on their own somehow, which could cost their life.

Instead of trying SO hard to keep children in the womb, why don't we spend more time trying to keep the children that are born healthy? Why don't we try harder to provide healthcare for those women and their children? I think our priorities are messed up.

And thirdly: RAPE

I bring this up based on a conversation I recently had with someone who I deeply admire and respect. Our conversation, however, made me very upset to the point that I cannot accept what they believe in this case.

I will ALWAYS defend a woman who was raped. I don't care if she was drinking. I don't care if she was dressed "inappropriately." I don't care if she was alone at night. I don't care if she hangs out with "questionable people." If a man forces her to have sex, it is wrong. And it is not less wrong if she is a "promiscuous" person.

Perhaps there are certain situations we can avoid or certain people we can avoid to prevent such terrible things happening. But A WOMAN DOES NOT CAUSE HER OWN RAPE. Any woman who is put through that goes through as much trauma as the next, no matter her sexual history.

I just wonder if I had ever gone down a path that led me to be a woman who drinks fairly often and dresses for attention and sleeps with strange men, would my family still care about me? Would they still love me? I would like to think that they would. So despite my history or standards, if I was raped they would probably care. A LOT.

It's funny how you start to see things different when you imagine them happening to your family or to yourself. Think about it.

Lesson #62

2011-08-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Reason #23,092 God made me a Mormon.

I think smoking is cool.

I'm just going to throw it out there, because all I've been doing for the past week is watching people smoke like crazy on a tv show and it just makes me wish that a.) smoking wouldn't kill me b.) it wouldn't make me really wrinkly with yellow teeth and c.) it wouldn't kill all the people around me.

I remember when I was little, my brother and I would go to the gas station by our house and buy candy cigarettes and pretend to smoke them. All I could think was "I know smoking is bad and my teachers tell us it isn't cool, but it is! Everyone who smokes looks awesome!"

Maybe I get this terrible attitude from all the old movies I grew up watching. Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart - all my favorite actors were chimneys! For heaven's sake, look at the AWESOMENESS of James Dean:

I don't think he could get any sexier.

This is just another reason why I'm convinced God wanted me to be Mormon. My mind is so polluted with this stupid reasoning for bad things. If it wasn't for religion, I would probably have lung cancer by now. And a baby. Really, being religious has saved my life, I'm pretty sure.

2.) Rantings?!?!

So at work the other day I heard a conversation like this:

Girl #1: The only problem with my career field is that women definitely don't get paid as much as men. Everyone knows it. But there's less of us, so I don't know.

Girl #2: Ya, that really sucks. But it's just the way it is, you know?

Me: WHAT THE?!?!?!?

SO me being me (of course) I pulled aside Girl #2 after the other one had left and I informed her that she has a TERRIBLE attitude. She replied saying, "I know it's a terrible thing. But have you read the news lately about women in Afghanistan? It's awful what they go through. We're so lucky here, you know?"

I have a few points about that. Don't worry, I shared them with her too. But you all need to understand this.

#1 - The "recent" news about women in Afghanistan has been going on FOR QUITE A WHILE. I absolutely HATE when people state these things as "recent." They're very old traditions. Also, don't try to enlighten me about women's situations around the world, especially when you're just coming to found out about it (which is a tragedy in and of itself). This is what I study, think about, and talk about all day. I could talk your ear off for a YEAR about what women go through in this world.

#2 - There are terrible things that happen to people all over the world. Though "comparatively" we of the developed world have it "better," I cannot look at the tragedies of other women and settle for what we've been given. Yes, a lot of women would LOVE to be in our situations. But I'm sure that even if we pulled a girl from Afghanistan to live, study, and work in the United States, at some point she would see the injustices. She would notice she wasn't getting paid as much as her male counterparts, or she would notice that thousands of women struggle without healthcare, or she would notice that women only comprise of 13% of Congress, when we make up more than half the population. I really don't think any educated woman, despite her history, would think that was ok. And she would fight it.

We CANNOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WE DESERVE. Do you understand that? I REFUSE to be paid less. I REFUSE to be seen as an object rather than a person. I REFUSE to accept the fact that I am in charge of a man not raping me. I REFUSE to raise my children in ignorance.

When you settle for less, you make it harder for those who want to achieve equality. Just so you know.

Lesson #61

2011-08-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Body image.

As a feminist, I am constantly abhorred by all the terrible things women and girls are subject to as a result of the media's portrayal of the "ideal woman" - tall, skinny, perfect skin, beautiful hair. Women and girls suffer from depression, severely low self-esteem, and are prone to developing eating disorders. In a recent study, over 75 percent of fourth graders claimed they were "on a diet."

This is disgusting to me. Even more disgusting? Even the women we view as already perfect don't quite make the cut.

The real Faith Hill is on the left. On the right, you will notice they slimmed her arms, her back, her face, and they removed any blemishes before putting her picture on the cover of this magazine.

What kind of world are we living in that would allow this to happen? It's issues like this that led me to becoming a feminist in the first place.

Yet here's the thing - though I absolutely HATE this, I am indeed a victim of this society in that I experience low self-esteem about my body A LOT. As much as I try to talk myself out of it, I hate looking at myself naked. I get jealous every time I see a beautiful girl that I wish I looked like. I still imagine myself losing 15 pounds and knowing that life would be better if I did.

But I will say that I've come a loooooong way since taking a stand against this injustice. Becoming a feminist gave me the self confidence to look at myself and honestly like what I see - not just what I look like, but who I am as a person.

An important concept dawned on me today while I was in the bathroom. All inspiring thoughts come to me in the bathroom. While critiquing my body in a mirror, I had the sudden realization that I AM A HEALTHY WEIGHT. And I'm 99.9% sure that this is my healthy weight and I cannot compare my body to anyone else because NO TWO WOMEN ARE ALIKE.

SO. If you don't like what I look like, I suggest you stop looking at me because I'm probably not going to look any different. And I understand that although I've come to terms with this, I will definitely still have "fat days" and I will probably try at least 10 new diets. But I'm pretty ok with me. Besides, those diets are not going to last more than 2 days before I remember that I really love ice cream.

For the record, I think you're beautiful. And I think you should think that too.

Lesson #60

2011-08-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Childhood.

Every time I visit my hometown I get really sentimental, though I often complain about growing up in Nebraska. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I'm so glad I grew up in a place with amazing people and opportunities, it's just a little too humid and a little too boring for me. Anyway, spending the last week here has led me to finding photo albums and subsequently spending some time reminiscing about my life here that I left behind.

I don't miss high school. Not one bit, though I do miss my friends. Middle school I've completely erased from my memory. It's elementary school days that I crave. I just wish I was a kid again. I miss not having any real responsibilities or homework or people to disappoint. I miss having the entire summer to play with friends and not understand that life goes on outside of my cul-de-sac. I miss not having to carry other people's burden on my shoulders. I miss being able to eat whatever I wanted and never have to gain a single unwanted pound. I miss having friends that didn't understand what drama was and were always there to play. I miss having the innocence that accompanies childhood that makes you believe every person you meet is good.

At least I've got my big brother on my side. Always has been, always will be.

I was trying to think of a really good story for you guys, but all I really remember are the daily things - going to the zoo, being forced to wear duck raincoats, dressing up for Halloween, hiding from my mom in the clothes rack at Walmart...you know, the good stuff.

What's your favorite childhood memory?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

2011-07-27T19:32:00.000-07:00

18 months

MY MISSION

...in Berlin, Germany.

I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesson #59

2011-07-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Ignorant and stupid Americans.

Hey, folks. As you are all [probably] aware, this is my favorite subject to address because it's by far the most amusing thing to observe, especially on my far right-wing college campus.

Now, I'm not saying that all right-wing peeps are ignorant or stupid, but I am saying that almost all the ignorant and stupid people I know are very right-wing. Don't hate me.

Anyway, amid debt crisis and other notably important events happening in our country recently, I've enjoyed the random and usually unsupported statements that include but are not limited to:

"Obama is single-handedly ruining this country!"

"Our president is the worst president ever!"

"Obama is responsible for all of this! He doesn't know how to run this country!"

May I add, "Do you know how to run this country?"

Didn't think so.

Well, I hate to break it to ya guys. Love him or hate him, Obama doesn't really have anything to do with this debt crisis. In fact, the president's job doesn't really have that great of an impact on the things that go into our daily lives. He commands the military, [sometimes] improves foreign relations, and he can sign or veto bills. He can even create a bill if he wants! But pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE is decided by Congress. You know, those people we call Senators and House Representatives that we're supposed to be voting for every 6 and 2 years that nobody cares about? THEY ARE THE REASON NOTHING HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED BECAUSE THEY ARE DEADLOCKED AND REFUSE TO COMPROMISE.

I know you guys need someone to blame all our problems on, but personally, I would blame all the members of Congress and then blame yourself for not taking their role in our country's political system more seriously.

Oh, and get your statements supported by facts. It makes you seem smarter, I promise.

How can you hate this face?

Lesson #58

2011-07-15T16:55:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Beeeeee yourself.

Alright fools. I've been thinking a lot lately, which is only semi-unusual, and I've decided something really important.

I am Aladdin, minus his manhood and magic carpet.

As shown in the clip above, Aladdin has a hard time trying to be his real self around girls he likes. Or when he's in a situation he's afraid of. Pretty much I think I have the same problem. It's not that I'm not being myself in similar situations, I just have a hard time letting people know what I'm really like sometimes because I know they wouldn't appreciate it. Does that make sense?

My biggest problem in this area is convincing [certain] people that I'm the nicest, most humble person on the planet. People who know me well will get a good kick out of this lovely piece of imagery in their heads, I'm pretty sure. But seriously, it's a problem. I'll meet really nice guys and I know that they'd be totally turned off if they knew what I was really thinking all the time, so I only let the positive vibes flow.

Let's face it, folks. I have great potential to be a gigantic beyotch. I also have great potential to be caring and genuine. As my dentist put it this morning, "You are probably the most unique person I've ever met."

Damn straight. I'm me and I like it that way. Now to break it to some of my friends...

___________

On a side note, please be aware of one of the many conversations I enjoy with my dentist.

Dentist: Why are you making all those weird sounds? You sound like all the kids that come in.

Me: Because you're making me uncomfortable. Duh. Haven't you ever been in this chair?

Dentist: It's not that bad.

Me: Well let's just say I hate having other people in my mouth. That's why I don't have a boyfriend.

Everyone in the office: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Dentist: I can't wait for you to be a missionary.

Lesson #57

2011-07-13T14:07:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I'm still alive.

Yo all my peeps and all the sheople. I'm still alive, in case you were wondering. Also, I'm still kicking. Really hard. Just ask the 7 guys I've been living with for the past 48 hours.

Anyway, it's been awhile since I've posted and for that I am crying for you on the inside. I know your lives revolve around my advice and blessing upon your heads.

I've got some fresh advice I just pooped out of my brain (which coincidentally comes out your ear...don't know why.)

Here are the latest do's and do not's.

DO have really awesome friends that rub your back and feed you ice cream when you're sad. It's the best medicine.

DO NOT hike the "Subway" at Zions National Park after having taken a 3 month hiatus from any form of exercise. It's excruciating. Also, I almost died. Like 5 times.

DO wear a tank top and shorts whenever appropriate so as to receive a lovely light tan. I'm complemented everyday on my "skin tone" as if I could buy this color in a store. No people, I earned it.

DO NOT travel 7 hours in a car with someone who drives you insane.

DO take me out for Indian food.

DO NOT make me upset.

Alright. That should tie you over until Harry Potter is over.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

2011-06-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

Peeps.

Listen up.

I have a deep dark secret that has been leaked, so I'm just going to announce it to the whole world right this second. I've been fighting this for awhile, but I am finally [in the process of] humbling myself.

I've had what my some of my lovely friends call a "coming to Jesus" moment. Except my moment was on crack because I've decided to do something crazy.

I'm going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I wasn't going to tell a lot of people until I got my papers in (which is like a week away), but too many people know now so everyone might as well be on the same page.

Let me answer some frequently asked questions:

#1. I thought you were going to France?!!?!

Yes, I was. I didn't lie about that. Buuuut the tables turned a little bit and I decided to put in my papers instead. Hopefully I'll still be going to France! (keep your fingers crossed)

#2. Where do you want to go?

French-speaking or state side. Or both. Technically my answer should be "wherever the Lord sends me" but who are we kidding...I'm Lesa and I tend to tell what I'm really thinking all the time. Don't worry, God knows it and that's why he's constantly chastising me.

#3. I was pretty sure you stopped going to church...

Alright, this one's kind of embarrassing for me because hardly anyone knew this about me, but it's true that I stopped attending church for a short period of time...about 8 months or so. But it doesn't really matter because I'm back, so mind your own business!

#4. Does this mean you're a republican again?

HECK no. I'm still pro-choice and I love gay people and I want them to get married if they want to. Don't worry, I checked with my bishop and he said I can't get in trouble for having my opinions :)

#5. Why are you giving up 18 months of your life?

Honestly, I don't really know. And I probably won't know until I'm out there. But I can tell you one thing - I honestly believe with all my heart that God asked me to do this, and so that means I'm going to do it. That's all it takes. I don't know all the answers, but I know enough.

Guys, this is really happening. I've got this weird mixture of excitement and nervousness that makes me feel like I'm going to barf every time I think about it. But don't worry, I'll get over it. Hopefully.

ps. I know I used a lot of Mormon lingo in this post, so if my lovely non-LDS friends need some clarification, let me know.

Lesson #56

2011-06-26T12:09:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Anxiety.

I think I'm on a roll with talking about tv shows on my blog. You'll just have to get over it.

Lately I've been watching Prison Break on Netflix. Let me illustrate the various emotions I experience while watching an episode:

It took me a really long time to do that, so I hope you enjoyed it.

Basically, I have a panic attack at the end of each episode and I start screaming and throwing my head under the blanket. I've never experienced an emotional rollercoaster this giant in my ENTIRE life.

On top of that, I have the world's largest obsession with Wentworth Miller, the main character in the show.

Yes, he does make my heart melt.

And yes, I may or may not be experiencing really steamy dreams of which he is the star.

I'm never waking up ever again.

ps. This is a little off-topic, but I just wanted to give a big shout-out to NY for making good decisions. That is all.

Lesson #55

2011-06-22T18:02:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Guilty pleasures.

We all have them. Something we secretly love more than life but would never admit to anyone, or at least not to people you don't know or you're trying to impress.

Well today I am going to reveal one of my favorites: I watch The Bachelorette.

YES, I understand it is completely against all feminist ideals. I really hate it and I'm constantly criticizing it all the time, but I CAN'T STOP WATCHING IT.

There are several reasons for this obsession, or at least for this season.

#1. Ames

He is soooo cute! You just want to pinch his cheeks. He studied at Harvard and Yale and he's the kindest most gentle guy on the planet. Life will lose meaning if he's kicked off.

#2. Drama

I don't consider myself a drama queen, but this show will make you giddy with all the ridiculous made-up tension the producers infuse into the story line. It almost wants to make you barf it's so unreal. Get this: Ashely (THE Bachelorette) totally fell for the biggest douche bag on the face of the planet named Bentley, who happens to be from Salt Lake. Anyway, this guy decides to leave because she's not pretty enough and her heart was broken. She tried to get over him, but a couple weeks later she decided she "needed closure" with Bentley and asked him to come back. So he's coming back next on next week's episode and all the other guys are PISSED. You have to watch it with me. We'll laugh and throw popcorn at the screen.

.......

I tried to think of other reasons but none were coming to mind. That's all I really needed to keep me coming back every week.

In case you were wondering, this is Ashley, the Bachelorette for this season.

She's from Maine and she just graduated from UPenn's Dental school. She also dances and competed nationally.

But what do the guys say every time they get a chance to talk to her?

"Uhh...you're gorgeous. I like you because you're pretty and so real and I feel so much chemistry."

You are dumb, boys. She has all this going for her and all you can tell her is that she's pretty?

Dumb.

Lesson #54

2011-06-19T12:00:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Meeting my dad.

This is for all those awesome people in my life who have yet to meet my father, most especially the man I perhaps might marry someday.

There are some things you need to know about Daddy. First of all, his name is Timothy but you could probably call him Mr. Young or Brother Young (it's a mormon thing). I don't know of anyone my age or younger that calls him Tim, though I don't think he would get mad at you for it. He's been mistaken as my older brother before, so don't let his good looks and absent gray hairs fool you. He exercises like a madman and puts all of his children to shame on that front. Most of all, his family is the most important thing in the entire world to him - never forget that.

There are several rules you must understand and follow before meeting Daddy.

#1 - He looks scary, but he's harmless. And when I say he looks scary, I just mean that he's really really tall and very buff and he isn't quick to smile (guess where I got that special trait from...!). I promise he wouldn't hurt a fly, so don't act scared around him. You might frighten him away.

#2 - Daddy doesn't really like being around a lot of people, so don't take his shyness or tendency to leave the room a bad sign. He's really getting better at this, so he might surprise you!

#3 - My daddy is probably the funniest person I know, but his hilarious outbursts of humor are sporadic. Don't be completely shocked when you see him dancing to some 90's music or trying to rap. Sometimes during dinner he'll randomly put a napkin on his face and stick his tongue out (it's kind of terrifying) or start singing the "bean song" about tooting. Family dinners are the best, just saying.

#4 - If you don't really know what subject to bring up, stick to things like running, fishing, family, etc. Don't ask about work, he's not a huge fan of it. And NEVER ask him science-related or church questions unless you want him to talk for hours and never stop. That's why I always allowed myself plenty of time for my dad to explain math problems to me in high school - there was no such thing as a short cut or an easy answer.

#5 - I love my daddy more than anything on the planet, and if for some reason he doesn't like you (which has hardly ever happened, trust me) then I won't like you either. Got it? Good.

Happy Father's Day to the best daddy in the world! I wish I could be there to celebrate with you!

Lesson #53

2011-06-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) New-age communication.

I am in a love/hate relationship with modern technology. It's awesome how I can skype with my family, email people important things across the globe in seconds for free, and be tracked down by my mother using my cell phone coordinates. Modern communication has revolutionized the world, as we've seen from the influences of social media on the revolutions in northern Africa and how youtube made Justin Bieber so famous. He is truly a gift to this world.

However, modern technology has just become another reason in my life to accomplish absolutely nothing at the same time. How does that even happen? Sure, my constant stalking of CNN.com keeps me up on the "haps," but Netflix has ruined my desire to do anything about that information I have (I love you Netflix, don't take that the wrong way).

By far the worst thing to come out of modern technology and communication is texting. Actually, just cell phones in general. It's certainly handy when I need to get a hold of someone right away, but it totally sucks when someone needs to get a hold of me. I hate talking to people on the phone, and I only answer half the texts I receive in a day. It's not that I don't like talking to you, but that I'm too lazy to talk to you at that moment. Or for the whole day. Trust me, if you actually came over I would talk for hours. Other than that, don't expect me to respond to your attempts to contact me.

I will admit that texting is better than talking to me on the phone. It's faster, easier, and we don't have to practice any of that crap phone etiquette. Quick and to the point.

ps. I have had this song stuck in my head all day. You're welcome.

Lesson #52

2011-06-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Letters.

So. I was recently reading my most favorite feminist blog and I came across another blog that they referenced. The particular post I was reading was about a new book that's just been published to raise money for Elton John's AIDS Foundation called Dear Me: A Letter to My Sixteen -Year-Old Self. A ton of celebrities wrote letters to their teenaged selves and you can check some of them out here.

Anyway, I got a really brilliant idea to write my next blog post as a letter to myself. Hopefully the 1.5 teenagers that read this will seriously take my advice, since I am so old and wise.

Dear 16 year-old Lesa,

Hey bum. This is 21 year-old Lesa, and I'm happy to report that you'll at least live to this age. You will survive high school, and you'll be the hottest thing that ever graced an American college campus. Jokes. You're kind of a loser. But you pretty much have the greatest friends in the world so I reeeaaallly wouldn't worry too much about it.

Guess what. Your heart is going to get broken into pieces very soon. You'll also lose some very dear friends and it's going to hurt. But it's going to be ok. Don't become bitter, and please don't get angry. It was for the best. You're amazing and totally worth it, no matter what anyone tells you.

I guess this means you're a junior in high school, which means that you'll be a senior soon. DON'T SLACK OFF, even after you get accepted to college. Seriously. That "I don't care anymore" attitude has REALLY affected your college grades. You'll never shake off that senioritis. Work hard. Kick butt. And apply to an Ivy League school, even though the application fee is $100. You'll totally regret it if you don't.

High school is a butt, but enjoy the friends you have while you have them. They'll never go away necessarily (thanks to facebook), but it will never be the same. College is awesome, and I promise you will love it. It's totally worth getting through high school.

The last thing I really wanted to address was your attitude. You are one mouthy girl and you'll never lose that (trust me), but try to use it less on your parents. They're seriously so spankin' awesome, even though it doesn't always feel like it. And besides, now that I'm 5 years older and supposedly a better person, Mom ALWAYS brings up how horrible I was as a teenager. Can you cut them some slack? I'm trying to be the perfect daughter and my past is haunting me. Just go and give Mom and Dad a hug for me tonight. Then do the dishes. They'll love you forever.

Lies, I have another last thing. I know this is super cheesy and dumb but you gotta learn to love yourself. I wish I had done that sooner.

Love,

Lesa

ps. You look freaking amazing with red hair. Don't be afraid to try it!

Lesson #51

2011-05-28T11:47:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Being a safe driver.

This is a lesson I can't joke around with or make fun of. I take this very seriously, as it as affected my personal life very deeply.

April was "Distracted Driving Awareness Month," so I missed that boat. Let's just call this a little late, yes?

Meet my awesome cousin Neil in 2008:

He was a senior in high school, ready to go to college, and one of the funniest people I knew. Seriously, I loved hanging out with him.

In January of 2009, Neil was driving back from a concert with his friend. He was sober and he wasn't texting, but he was driving too fast, which is something I am certainly guilty of. He hit some ice and his car spun around before hitting a tree.

Neil was so lucky that day, as you can see from this picture. However, he was life-flighted to a nearby hospital and was in a coma for awhile. He had to have several surgeries and LOTS of rehabilitation.

Meet Neil after months of surgery and therapy:

See that dent in the side of his head? That's where the doctor took out part of Neil's skull because his brain was swelling due to the trauma of the accident.

Neil has come a long way since then. He's gone through months and months of rehabilitation, relearning how to do simple things like walking and using his left hand (it was paralyzed). He's gone back to school and he volunteers with Alzheimer's patients. He was even on MTV's True Life! Watch the full episode here. It's awesome.

Recently, Neil was asked to be the keynote speaker at an awards ceremony for high schools that have been creating projects to promote safe teen driving. Please watch this video. His speech is amazing! And inspiring. Also, the script is written below if you want to better follow along.

Good morning. As you all know, car accidents are the primary cause of death and disability among adolescents. And here I am, in front of you, a specimen of these facts.

In the beginning of 2009, around midnight, I was driving home from a concert, sober, not texting, or on my phone, but I was going too fast. When I was about three miles from home, I somehow lost control and spun into a tree. The next thing I knew, it was months later and I didn’t know where I was. All I knew was that I was missing half my skull and my brain's gears weren't up to the task of understanding yet. I couldn’t walk, let alone speak.

Fast forward and here I am in front of you. These past two and a half years have been filled with nonstop therapy and school to recover as much of myself as possible. Time has stopped for me. I’m stuck in neutral. My friends have continued forward and left me in the dust. Before my accident, I had a large group of friends and I was constantly out with them. Now, my friends feel awkward, not knowing how to treat or act around me. Before the accident, I often went to concerts. Now, I have yet to go to one. Before the accident, I was constantly out seeing movies. Only recently have I been able to follow the story line of a full length film. Before the accident, I had a season pass to go snowboarding. This past winter, was the first time I was able to be on a board again trying to regain my skills. My processing speed is slower, my vision is not the same; neither is my balance. Before the accident I would be out with friends every weekend playing video games. I don’t have the dexterity to play them now. Before my accident, I was accepted into my first-choice college, but now I am just working to recover some of the skills that I lost; in high school of all places! My future may or may not include college.

Although my life has been changed dramatically, I have tried to make the best of my situation and have found positive experiences. For instance I'm glad I've had this opportunity to be involved with your program. Maybe my story will influence others to not make the same, or similar mistakes.

I am here today to tell you that the projects you have developed for this event will be helpful even if you only save one teen’s life from a car crash. It’s easy for us to tune out adults when they tell us to slow down, not text, or don’t drink and drive. But maybe teens will listen to you. Hopefully, your messages will open the eyes and ears of those who need them most, the teens of New Jersey, including your friends.

Thank you.

So. Meet my cousin Neil:

He's amazing. I'm so proud of him! And I can't wait to see him this summer :]

What I really wanted to say here is that I BEG of you to be careful out there. Neil was lucky. A lot of people aren't. I know we all speed and occasionally text or eat or whatever while driving, but please please PLEASE keep your eyes on the road. Slow down. Don't drive when you're sleepy. I love all of you too much.

Lesson #50

2011-05-25T14:29:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Surprise!

Well guess what. I have officially blessed your life with 50 life lessons. Woot.

Also. For my birthday yesterday (which was amazing, in case you were wondering) I chopped 12 inches of my hair off and dyed it blonde-ish. I did this for several reasons, namely a) I'm going to France and French people don't have long hair / I don't want to dye my hair there, b) it was birthday so I can do whatever I want and c) some guys I know told me never to cut my hair because guys like long hair, so DUH I cut it all off.

So. This was the hair they cut off. Yes, I know I'm a horse. I have enough for two wigs, I'm pretty sure.

When I first got back to the salon I FREAKED out because my hair looked RIDICULOUS. The girl who did my hair decided to make my head into a balloon and my hair was so poofy I had to wear a hood all day. It didn't work, so I ended up showering and fixing my hair.

Now it looks like this.

I look like I'm 2, but whatever. Anyway, it's growing on me. So now you know what I look like so I don't scare you when you see me again.

Also, I highly recommend getting your hair drastically altered when you want to mix up life a little bit.

ps. I forgot to add before/after pics!!!!

BEFORE

AFTER

Lesson #49

2011-05-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Beyoncé.

Well first of all, I'm going to let you know that this is a "feminist" post. All you haters can stop reading now.

Also, before I dive into this, you should know that I love Beyoncé and her music (most of the time). I think she's awesome. So, that being said, sometimes I'm super confused by her messages. This goes for all the lovely women artists out there as well - I feel like you're creating a double-standard for women and girls.

People like Beyoncé and Lady Gaga go out of their way to say things like "be yourself!" and "love who you are!" but they send us this image:

or this one

or this one.

I'm sure the first thing that comes to your head when I put up pictures like these is something along the lines of, "I get your point, we've heard it a thousand times. They're creating an unrealistic standard for women and girls' bodies, etc." You're right. They are creating that ridiculous standard for women to become and for men to expect. But no, that's not the first thing that comes to my head.

I wonder if these women really do respect themselves. If the world didn't expect them to be sexy or skinny or tan or perfect, would they really pose practically naked for the whole world to see?

When I think of women I admire in this world, I could NEVER imagine them doing something like this. And they don't just tell girls to love themselves. They actually do respect and love themselves and their bodies, and make it a point to be modest in doing so. They expect men to treat them with respect and dignity, like a human being.

So. I'd like you to meet an alternative artist/role model. She's my new favorite singer. She's 23, British, and awesome. She writes AMAZING music.

Oh, and she's definitely bigger than a size 2. And I think she's practically perfect in every way.

Check out this music video. It's the best.

Love you guys.

ps. Did anyone see Beyoncé's new music video? Well, I have issues with it. I was going to explain all my frustrations, but this random girl did it for me. If you watch this, I'll give you a sucker.

2.) New blog layout.

Yes or no?

Lesson #48

2011-05-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) My eye hurts.

It really does. But. The reason for this post is because a) I'm super bored and b) I don't want to go to bed or take a shower.

Listen. I have a million things on my mind right now and I will share them with y'all.

1. I had a dream about Mitt Romney the other night. No idea why. It was creepy because in my dream I found him quite the foxy old man, and he wanted to take me out. I gagged ten times when I woke up and ran to the computer to fill my mind with good democratic knowledge...just to be safe.

2. Have you guys ever read the blog called Hyperbole and a Half? Well I think you should. She has a blog post called "This is Why I'll Never be an Adult" that is about me.

3. I have been watching like a gazillion episodes of 30 Rock everyday and it's the best thing ever. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN IT'S OVER!?!?!?

Watch this clip.

4. I went to my grandparents' on Sunday to make delicious bread and I ate all of it. ALL OF IT. I'm a fatty pig and I'm ok with it.

5. I've realized that my blog posts are not really lessons anymore. So here are the things you must learn for this week:

a) 30 Rock is the best show ever and you must watch it asap.

b) Haiti is a country in the Caribbean, not Africa.

c) My birthday is on Tuesday and I really like cat things. And chocolate things.

The end.

Lesson #47

2011-05-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) BIRTHDAY!!!!

Ok. So today is not my birthday, or even the day after. BUT my birthday IS next Tuesday, the 24th. Don't forget it.

I love love love my birthday. I have a lot of friends that don't understand my obsession, but I think most of them don't come from large families so they don't understand what it's like! Growing up with 4 other siblings and 2 working parents, you don't get a ton of attention unless you're a baby or you've done something wrong. Yet birthdays were magical in the sense that all of the sudden your parents FINALLY recognized you as the best thing on earth for a whole 24 hours, which means that you didn't have to do any chores! Yes, this was the highlight of my birthdays - there is nothing better than watching your siblings do all the chores you were previously assigned to.

Listen. I have some good birthday stories.

May 24th, 1996: My friend Maddie remembers this birthday more than I do, but apparently my mom had a party for me and gave all of us hats that we could decorate however we wanted. She had a table full of fake flowers and silly ribbons and such. I'm sure it was fantastic, I just can't remember any of it. I DO remember Maddie's birthday that year, however, because she had a Barbie cake. Me = so jealous.

May 24th, 2002: My mom took some friends and I to the mall. Every 12 year-old's dream, right? I bought a pocket hairbrush from Icing. I also ate delicious mall food.

May 24th, 2005: My family forgot about my birthday. I got to school and none of my friends remembered it was my birthday. My mom picked me up from school and I was sobbing. THEN she realized what day it was and bought me 3 new pairs of shoes. Score.

May 24th, 2006: I wasn't going to let ANYONE forget, so my bestie Fayrina (her birthday is today! Happy birthday Fay!!!) and I threw a gigantic party and I think 60 people showed up. Win.

May 24th, 2007: Best. Birthday. Ever.

I was sitting in choir class (it was a final day, so classes were much longer) and we were watching a movie to pass the time because that class was a joke. All of the sudden, my brother Brent walked into the room and gave me a pink rose and walked out. Then one of my friends walked in and gave me a rose and walked out. This happened 12 times with 12 different guys, including one dude I had a huge crush on. It was the nicest thing that ever happened to me! Every single girl in that room fell in love with my brother that day, I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, the idea here is that after my 15th birthday I promised myself that would NEVER happen again, so I've been making my birthday a huge deal since then.

SO.

Don't forget. May 24th, we will party in honor of my 21 years of life by drinking and gambling.

Just kidding.

But we WILL have a birthday cat present.

ps. If you read this post, you have to comment with either:

a.) your "best birthday ever" story

b.) all the reasons you love me

c.) what you're getting me for my b-day

Lesson #46

2011-05-13T14:11:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) PDA

I feel like I've already addressed this issue, but I'm bringing it up again. My friend Amanda suggested it to me, and so here I go.

I HATE PDA.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for 100 years, PDA = public displays of affection.

Now, I know some of you might say something to the effect of, "Oh, so I'm not allowed to let my boyfriend know how much I love him in front of his friends?," to which I might reply, "Does your tongue have to be in his mouth to let him know you love him?"

However, I understand there are different levels of PDA, and some may or may not be appropriate to share with the world. Let's break it down into 5 bases (from my version of baseball):

Base #1 - Staring longingly at each other.

If this happens during lunch, fine. Whatever. Sometimes it's actually hilarious to watch as you flirt shamelessly across the room. Just don't do it near me. It freaks me out in close quarters.

Base #2 - Holding hands.

I find this acceptable in public with moderation. I just really despise the couples that HAVE to be holding hands ALL THE TIME. For example, there was a couple in one of my classes that held hands during class, and the girl always sat in front of the boy. HOLY AWKWARD. And uncomfortable-looking. How could they enjoy that? I also hate when people are walking through a tight space and refuse to let me pass through them without breaking their hands, so we end up doing this creepy version of "London Bridge." Hate it.

Base #3 - Cuddling.

Some of you might say that this comes before holding hands in a relationship, but in public it usually comes after. Aaaand it's repulsive. You just look super awkward and you make everyone else feel that way too.

Base #4 - Kissing.

I've always hated people kissing in public, and I've never done it myself. I feel like those moments should be kept private, even if it's just a "peck." That word itself suggests you're a bird. But "passionate" kissing should ALWAYS be withheld from the public's eyes. It's just wrong and you look stupid.

Base #5 - Kissy pictures on facebook.

Two things to address here. First off, I understand that this cannot be the last base. I did take a sex ed class, so I know the drill. However, where I live no one makes it past this point, and if they do they are eternally punished unless they're married. Even then no one likes talking about it, so this is as far as we get. Second on the agenda, YOUR KISSY PICTURES DO NOT BELONG ON FACEBOOK. Ooooo they are so nasty. And weird. And just dumb. I KNOW you're in a relationship with her, it says so on your info tab. You don't have to prove it by documenting your love-making that nobody wants to see. And again, it just looks weird.

That is all on this topic of conversation.

Lesson #45

2011-05-09T23:32:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Dating.

Ok. This is a secret post, meaning I probably won't tell anyone about it so if you happen to come across yay for you. It's also embarrassing for me so I'm probably going to delete soon. Ha.

Anyway, I'm sick and tired of getting comments like, "You're single? How is that possible? You're so cute!" and it's making me sick. Do you realize it's insulting? You're basically telling me that a) being attractive is all I really need to get a man and b) if I'm attractive and still single, there must be something wrong with me.

Well GUESS WHAT. There is something "wrong" with me, and it's called I have a LIFE.

For the benefit of my lovely mother and other members of my family [and friends] who think I should date more, I will explain the reasons I don't.

1. I have this weird obsession with the idea of being single and 30. Mom, don't have a heart attack when you read this.

2. I have ridiculously high standards. When I say that I mean I have very particular things that I look for in men, and if they don't possess it then I'm not interested. For example, they can't be scared of me. This is a little difficult. I also tend to dislike guys who open my car door for me. This all makes me seem snobbish, I know.

3. I'm very focused on my potential future, and I find that men can inhibit that. Not ok with me.

4. I don't touch people. According to my brother, this severely damages my prospects because apparently guys really like a girl who doesn't hug the other side of the couch while watching a movie. I can't help it, ok?! It's nothing against you.

5. Men who want relationships scare me...a little bit.

So there you have it. I should add an unofficial #6: I dream of hunky French men. And Asian men. Not a lot of those around here. Buuuuut that's beside the point. I don't date because I'm not interested in dating, and I haven't met anyone to convince me otherwise. Also, there is NO WAY anyone I date will be as lovely as Mr. Knightley. Jane Austen's characters have shattered my dreams of reality.

Lesson #44

2011-05-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective today includes:

1.) Mothers.

Before I dive into today's thoughts, I'd just like to give a shout out to my mama.

She's pretty awesome, though we do have our differences. Over the years we've had some rough spots, but at the end of the day she's always there for me. I remember there would be days I'd come home from school so depressed and my mom would draw up a bath and let me eat graham crackers and chocolate frosting while soaking in bubbles. It was the best, not to mention the towel she would warm up in the dryer. It was heaven. We would stay up so late talking and laughing and by the morning I'd forget what I was so upset about. That's my mother.

Wanna know something else cool about my mother? She's a working mom. For as long as I can remember, my mom has had a job.

In church today, we listened to 3 people speak to the congregation - 2 women and 1 man. The women talked about the importance of mothers, how they've affected their life, etc. You know, typical mother things. The man, not to my surprise, decided to address mothers and their need to stay in the home and how bad it is for them to work because men are incapable of filling that need for the children.

Dear man who spoke in church: Kiss my butt.

Why is it that raising children has been seen as only a woman's duty? This makes me sick. It seems there's a huge emphasis on separating motherhood from fatherhood, but really they're under the same umbrella of parenthood. Hate to break it to you boys, but you have to raise your children too! I have faith that you can do it.

Motherhood shouldn't be different from fatherhood, in my opinion. Aside from my mother physically giving birth to me, the only reason she's different from my father is because her name is Suzanne and she's a very talkative, very bubbly person. My father, Timothy, is a very stoic and quiet person. Naturally, my relationships with these people are different. But they are both equally my parents because they were both very active in the process of raising me, even when they were both working.

I'd also like to note that you should NEVER judge mothers who work. You don't understand the circumstances that surround that, and it's none of your business. And just because she works doesn't mean she's less of a parent or that her family suffers because of it. I have a few inappropriate words for those who give mothers a hard time for working outside the home.

I salute all the mothers out there who are single or divorced or widowed or married. God knows you're probably doing the brunt of the work, and for that you deserve the best. It seems women don't have the luxury of choosing when to be parent, and they're always trying to fill the missing holes that other people leave behind. You guys are awesome, not just because you're parents, but because you're you. We love you.

Lesson #43

2011-05-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) You don't know what real love is.

I have a lot of pet peeves, but every time someone asks me what they are I can't name more than two. BUT. I thought of one while reading a blog. And this is how it goes:

I really really really HATE it when people are obsessed with something they know nothing about. For example, there are 50 million girls in America right now that have all sorts of jewelry or posters or lamp shades that depict the Eiffel Tower. You don't deserve to wear that sacred symbol! Worse than that, many of these people have rich parents that take them to France where they can spend all their money pretending they're French, when in fact they can't speak a lick of the language and they're obnoxious tourists that French people don't actually like!

Get it through your heads. Liking France and really appreciating it are two different things. You don't get to because you haven't spent three years of your life conjugating verbs in the subjunctive. So there.

Another one that I DESPISE are girls that are obsessed with "vintage" things. First of all girls, you have no idea what that word means. When you say the word "vintage" you are basically describing anything made before the 1990's and after the early 1800's. That's a freaking huge time period, in case you didn't know. Most girls like to pin it to the 1920's through the 60's, but each of those decades are known for different trends and styles in music, dress, and art. So you really can't group them into one word. Sorry to burst your bubble.

I guess a lot of these people feel like they're entitled because they have the money to go to France and buy "vintage" clothes, but you don't understand the true essence so TOO BAD. I win.

2.) Real love is in the form of Asian men.

Ok, sorry about my rant. I had to get that out. And for your cooperation, I will let you in a little secret that I've decided I'm not so ashamed of anymore: I am extremely attracted to Asian men.

I don't know why I've had this secret obsession, but I believe it all started when I first saw Cinderella with Brandy. You know the one I'm talking about? You can't miss it. Brandy (Cinderella) is black and her stepmother is white, yet one of her step-sisters is black and the other one is white. The queen is black and the king is white, and their son is Asian. It's awesome. Anyway, so I find that prince hunky and always have.

Yum.

So after that I was in love. I distinctly remember watching the 2000 Olympics in Australia and thinking the Japanese gymnasts were soooooo hot. It just went downhill from there.

Now you know my secret. I hope you liked it.

Lesson #42

2011-04-25T14:12:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Everyone is terrified of me.

I have a best friend named Laura. Laura and I first [officially] met our junior year of high school in World Literature. However, we didn't become friends until our senior year in AP Literature because Laura was scared of me, and I thought she was mean.

From what I understand, Laura thought I was a "gothic emo girl who hated the world and everyone in it." That's not a direct quote, but I'd say it's pretty accurate. I'm pretty sure she just attributed this to the fact that I had really dark hair and I never talked to her. But I never talked to her because I thought she was mean!

The point is, it was all about MISCOMMUNICATION. Always.

I've heard recently about a lot of people who are terrified of me. I'm not sure why, but I give off this vibe of being the meanest person alive. That's only true depending on who you are and if you deserved it. Anyway, I feel like I'm not that mean or scary of a person, at least not once you get to know me. So I've decided to compile a list of all the reasons I probably scare people.

1 - I don't like smiling at people I don't know EVER, particularly in weird places. See post here for more details.

2 - My "resting" face is apparently a death look. And by "resting" face I mean the one I have when I'm sitting in the library not using my face muscles while I'm reading about women's education in India. Or the one when I'm just not doing anything at all. I've heard I give death threats through these looks, but I'm really not paying attention at all to my surroundings.

3 - Somebody has either pissed me off or been near me when someone/something else has. I'm not a happy camper when that happens, and, quite frankly, you should be scared of me.

4 - I handle grief very different from a lot of people. I curl up in a ball and sleep a lot, and if you try to talk to me I'll bite your ears off. I get very testy when people try to talk to me while I'm upset, and I feel bad because no body really knows how to handle it.

5 - I'm a democratic feminist who loves France.

Ok, so now you know all the reasons people perceive me as scary, you should know that my favorite color is pink and my favorite animals switch off everyday from pandas, walruses, elephants, and lorises. I cry while watching Fox and the Hound EVERY TIME. I also have lots of friends...I guess I consider this to be a sign that I'm not terrifying because multiple people enjoy my company.

So please don't be scared of me. Unless you've done something really mean to my family, which in that case you probably should be scared of me.

The end.

ps. My friend Amanda (see [a liberation broadcast] on the right -->) just gave me this lovely comic, and I'm pretty sure it's me. Refer back to #2 on the list.

Lesson #41

2011-04-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Men.

So I'm going to make a plug for the lovely men in my life. I know, I know. So uncharacteristic of Lesa to be saying good things about men! Especially after my public announcement of Lesa's Life Lesson #5 and my "recent" proclaimed feminism.

I will debunk your theories with a.) I wrote that blogpost because Spandrew made me and b.) feminism loves men! They just don't like men that demean or insult or objectify or rape women. And stuff. I'll also have you know that I have a father (crazy) and 3 brothers, one of which is my favorite sibling. Some of my favorite professors are men. Oh ya, and I'm attracted to men. I'll probably marry one someday, if I can find someone who doesn't think I'm scary.

Anyway, I recently had a conversation with the lovely roommates about how men, particularly in a church setting, seem to really put themselves down. Somehow women are more kind, caring, loving, and certainly more spiritual, while men only think about sex. No, this isn't doctrine. But I feel that they really portray men as the ones who have to do all the work in a relationship and that women will have a hard time finding someone who deserves them.

Maybe this is the case for some, but it sure as hell isn't for the majority, and I really honestly mean that. Then again, I'm only speaking for the men who have graced my life with their presence, so maybe there really are some major dickheads out there. Well, who are we kidding. THERE DEFINITELY ARE. But I think most of the men in my life are amazing. I also happen to think they are waaaaay nicer and kinder and loving and DEFINITELY more spiritual. They are not better than me, but I feel a lot of the time that I don't deserve to be their sister or daughter or cousin or friend. Basically I'm glad they keep me around because we learn a lot from each other.

So men, please don't sell yourself short. You are smart enough to get into that grad school, you are good enough for that girl, you are talented enough for that job, and you are brave enough to raise a child. Don't get too into yourself though, because you are not SMARTER than others, you are not BETTER than that girl, you are not THE BEST IN THE WORLD at your job, and you're not going to be the MOST AMAZING parent in the world. We all make mistakes. You are human (and so are women, just so you know...). Just as long as you remember that then we are good.

Now for all the men I think are awesome in no particular order:

Nelson Mandela

Dalai Lama

Amartya Sen

J.M.Barrie

Abraham Lincoln

JESUS (duh)

My brother

My daddy (ps We were camping = I look gross)

ps. You guys did a freaking amazing job the other day with commenting! Keep it up because it makes me feel special. That's why I love you. Also. If you look up at the very tippy top of this page, there's a link called "Follow." Press it. PLEASE.

pss. Hahahahahahahahahaha

Lesson #40

2011-04-16T20:03:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I'm not taking finals.

Lies. I am. But I hate them. You know what I hate worse? My professors assigning 50 million page papers due on the day of your final. What is up with that?

Ok. In retaliation of this horrid week, I'm writing a new blog post. Ha.

I don't really have any new life lessons for the .2 people that read this blog, but I will introduce you to the things I am currently in love with.

#1 - Zachary Levi.

Woof. What a babe. I'm pretty sure the best thing about him is his radiating nerdiness. If you don't know who he is, he's on a show called Chuck and he's the voice of Flynn Rider on Tangled. And yes, that is his real singing voice. What a dream boat.

#2 - Feministing.

This is a blog of awesomeness. I hope you can guess from the title what it's all about, but trust me - this is the best thing I've come across in years. I don't necessarily agree with everything, generally they reflect my views pretty dang well. Ha.

#3 - Adele

Ooooooook. Adele is amazing. Did anyone else know this? Just listen to her voice!!! Aaaaah I would KILL to sing like that! Also. She sings live on all her music videos. Love love love love love love her.

#4 - Texting parents.

Just click the link. Do it. Love it. K thanks.

#5 - Haiti.

This is Akon. No, that's not his real name. I don't know his real name. All I know is that I called him Akon and he called me Beyonce. I miss this kid. I miss Haiti. I've been doing a lot of work for the organization I went with last year (click on the link) and I NEED to go back. If you want to come with me let me know!

Alright. This was a boring post. Sorry.

Lesson #39

2011-04-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) I can't help it.

Confession time.

I think my feminist ways are taking over my blog. I'm sorry to anyone who hates reading about it, but TOO BAD.

I'm just going to rant for a second here about this article.

Apparently, athletes can beat girls up and it's ok, you're allowed to keep playing professional sports and make millions of dollars a year. We already knew it was true in the US, but now it's happening in Australia! Yay!

A "social justice advocate" said on his behalf, "'We can all get caught up in the emotional image of young men booting a young woman in the stomach to cause her to abort her baby, but these were two young people … she got pregnant, he was way out of his depth, and he did a really cruel and dumb thing. He was caught in the moment, and what he did was the equivalent of a young man putting a noose around his neck because his girlfriend tossed him out (Lesa chiming in here...please tell me how this metaphor makes sense). He has to be allowed to move forward and put his life together, and I think the ability of the NRL and the Warriors to take this young man in and help him do that is role modelling and something they should get credit for.'"

YES. You are great role models, NRL and Warriors! You have officially taught my future children that it is OK to kick around pregnant girls they knocked up because it was only a matter of getting CAUGHT IN THE FREAKING MOMENT.

You know what irresponsible things I do when I get "caught in the moment?" I EAT CHINESE FOOD THAT MAKES ME GASSY. Even better, I BUY LOTS OF CLOTHES I DON'T NEED.

I'm glad you feel remorse. I'm glad you spent 18 months in jail. But nothing excuses what you did. Now while that girl is raising a child on her own with emotional scars, you get to play sports again. Better yet, you get to continue making millions of dollars. You disgust me, Shaun. DISGUST. And so do you, NRL people and Warriors, whoever the hell you are!

So, the lesson here is:

a. Become an athlete

b. Blame all your troubles on "getting caught in the moment."

c. If you EVER touch a girl like that (or in any way harmful or inappropriate) I will hunt you down.

Lesson #38

2011-04-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Documentaries.

So if you are acquainted with me in any social media forms, you would know that I've been watching a lot of documentaries lately, much to the dismay of my studies. I just can't help it. There are too many good [and awful] things to see and learn about and I MUCH prefer that to school.

I am making a list of all the documentaries you need to see before you die. Actually, watch them before the end of the year. Ok? Ok good. In no particular order:

War Dance

So freaking amazing. Seriously. I was really touched by this film.

God Grew Tired of Us

I saw this film in high school but recently watched it again with my brother. I forgot how heartbreakingly happy this film is. Also, it's hilarious.

America the Beautiful

This film pretty much reiterated everything I knew about America's obsession with beauty, but I still found the director's way of illustrating this fascinating. It really is a good and interesting film.

The Business of Being Born

I have recently had a strange desire to become a midwife, and this just pushed me to really consider it. SUCH a good take on the hospitals and maternal and childbirth care. I almost cried at all the births, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Very Young Girls

This movie made me sick, in an important way. Girls are coerced into prostitution at the average age of 13. It's disgusting. This was a really amazing film that followed girls on their journey to break away from "the life."

Any suggestions on other documentaries I should watch?

2. Believe me.

This is just my little rant for the day. It goes like this.

When you ask me about what "feminism" means and then proceed to insult me and disregard my evidence, I officially regard you as the statistic that inhibits change for women. When you refuse to look at what is going on around you and realize it's wrong, I get upset.

I know you think that women should be equal. I know you say you would vote for a woman president. I know you believe that sexual violence should stop. But guess what. YOU ARE NOT THE MAJORITY. So PLEASE stop thinking that all men think like you and therefore patriarchy or oppression doesn't exist! The majority don't, or else women would have stopped being raped or trafficked or beaten. It also offends me when I bring up things like this and you refuse to believe me.

I feel like my voice is getting lost in someone else's screams.

ps. I don't care what you think, it is NEVER a girl's/woman's fault that she has been raped. I should have slapped you for that.

Lesson #37

2011-04-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Faith.

Everything I'm about to write right now is word vomit, just so you know. I'm sitting in the library and I've only accomplished one tiny ounce of the massive pile of homework I have. Don't worry, I'll probably stay up all night. Love when that happens.

So. I watched a movie recommended to me by a friend called Creation. It's about Charles Darwin and his internal debates with publishing his famous book "Origin of Species" and about his crumbling marriage with his wife right after his daughter dies. Anyway, I think this movie goes much much deeper than just religion vs. science, though that is obviously addressed as his wife is a devout Christian.

What I'm trying to get at is this really strange quote that's been haunting me ever since the doctor's character in the movie said it. Basically what happens is Charles gets really ill, both physically but especially mentally, and he ends up seeking help from a doctor. So they're both sitting down and for the first time (that the audience is aware of) Charles is talking about things that have been on his mind, like the fact that he sees and talks to his dead daughter. He talks about how his wife turned to religion for her comfort and he is still lost because he thinks she's gone forever. Then the doctor says,

"You say you take no comfort from religion, but do you have faith?"

To be honest, I have no idea what this means. Maybe Charles didn't either. Perhaps he meant to ask if Charles has faith in his own convictions. Perhaps he meant to ask if Charles had faith in anything at all. I don't know. This is going to bother me all night.

I find it interesting how everyone handles grief and hardship. I shy away from everyone and sleep a lot. My brother tries to fix everything. My friend eats a lot. I know people who pretend it never happened, people who cry, people who scream, people who try to forget it by losing themselves in service. Most people I know also turn to their faith. They believe that if they put their trust in God everything will work out for the best. And it usually does.

My theory is that after their daughter's death, Charles was perhaps jealous of his wife's faith. Perhaps he was jealous that she turned to a God who had all the answers, whereas he felt he had to believe that there was no God and no afterlife and no more Annie. Maybe he was right, perhaps we're just a part of nature - we're born, we live, we die, and if we're lucky we leave offspring strong enough to survive. But what kind of existence is that? I feel like there has to be more to just living and dying, or else my life loses purpose.

Those are my thoughts at this late hour.

Told you it was word vomit. More like mind vomit, I suppose.

ps. I love monkeys.

Lesson #36

2011-03-30T11:18:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Grammar.

This is a fact: I am not attracted to people who use terrible grammar.

I'm sure any grammar guru would instantly call me a hypocrite because I am positive that the way I form sentences on my blog is not grammatically correct. That's just the way it rolls off my brain. So no, I am not a grammar nazi, but I do expect people to be able to tell the difference between there, they're, their and your, you're.

Just saying.

SO. Let me help you.

There: in or at that place, "They have lived there for years."

They're: contraction of they are, "They're very nice people."

Their: belonging to them, "Their dog is lovely."

Your: belonging to you, "Your hair is so shiny."

You're: contraction of you are, "You're the meanest person ever."

Now that we've covered the basic horrific grammar mistakes, let's talk about punctuation.

Punctuation, especially on the internet or in a text, adds a certain tone to a conversation or statement. When you add exclamation points after every sentence, you sound ridiculously excited or happy, even if you don't wish to convey a feeling of loving life. Here's an example:

Oh my gosh I am so mad at my mother! She is crazy! Sometimes she makes me pancakes when I want french toast! It drives me insane! I want some bacon right now! What I'm really trying to say is I have no idea why I love exclamation points because none of these sentences needed one!

Was the voice in your head a little girl with an extremely high voice? Ya, me too. So now we address the use of all caps. When I write sentences or parts of words in all capital letters, I am trying to convey a feeling of angst. That's what it sounds like in my head - someone screaming at me. So please don't write normal things in all caps. It's like someone is screaming:

I LOVE MY BIOLOGY CLASS IT IS GREAT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER. WHY ARE TEDDY BEARS ALWAYS BROWN? I GUESS BARNEY IS PURPLE, SO THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I REALLY NEED A HUG.

Why are you shouting these things at me? No need. The last point I'd like to make is the use of the 3 periods (...). It sounds like a creepy voice when I read it, and it especially drives me crazy after every sentence, especially when you should be putting a question mark at the end of a question. For example:

You guys are great...Can I come over....How was your weekend...You look really cute....I wish your mom was here...

...creepy.

ps. I am doing well, not good. Good is an adjective, well is an adverb. When you're describing an action, you use the word "well." You are a good person, and you are doing well in art. Got it? Good.

Lesson #35

2011-03-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1. Annoying blog posts.

Confession: I am addicted to reading terrible blogs. There's this one that I find especially horrid about a girl who's 21 and divorced and she writes the most annoying things about her 2 week marriage. I'm sure you find me the meanest person in the whole world, and I probably am. I'm sure this girl is super nice and God loves her for sure. But why dedicate a whole blog to your irresponsible courtship and marriage when I'm sure it's not fun for you or for him?

Whatever.

The inspiration for my commentary comes from her latest post, which includes like 50 billion ways you can woo and romance her. Yuck.

This is what my brain thinks about it: WHAT THE HELL.

Why are you sitting on your butt for what I'm sure took you an hour writing about all the ways a guy can win your heart? a.) get a life b.) why does the guy have to do all the work?

To the lovely girl of the annoying blog,

DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR OWN DATING LIFE.

You are not (or shouldn't be) some helplessly romantic girl who needs to be saved by some manly dude who buys you flowers and makes you feel good about yourself for 2 seconds! If you can't become a strong person on your own, there is no way any man is going to make you happy. You make you happy. So stop writing blog posts about how a man should sweep you off your feet and LIVE A LIFE.

The end.

2.) I miss my cat.

Today my roommate subjected me to watching this awful movie clip from Fox and the Hound. I cried and cried and screamed at that terrible lady for being so mean. This of course lead me to this movie clip from Dumbo which basically makes me want to die a thousand times (after saving all the elephants in the world, of course). And don't worry, I eventually ended my youtube sad streak with the scene from Lion King where Simba finds his father dead.

Watching sad Disney scenes of animals reminds me of one thing always: my precious kitty. He's not really a kitty, he's definitely old. He doesn't have a name, so we just call him kitty except when my mom calls him a "little turd." He was my best friend for a long time.

I think the best thing about pets, more specifically cats and dogs, is that they always know when you're sad and they try to cheer you up. I remember when I was 16 and I came home crying because a boy was mean to me and my kitty jumped up on my bed and started licking my face and snuggling in my arms. It instantly made everything better.

This is a really pointless lesson. I just wanted you to know how much I miss kitty and need him right now.

Lesson #34

2011-03-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) March Madness.

It's 12:30 am and I AM SICK OF DOING HOMEWORK.

So. I am going to talk about college basketball. Actually, it's just gonna be sports in general.

Good idea? Yes.

Ok. This is something everyone needs to know about me.

It's called "I pretend I don't know a lot about sports but I actually know more than everyone thinks I do." It's a little secret I like to keep, but it's late at night and all bets are off, which means after a certain time of night you can pretty much ask me anything and I'll tell you. But this secret is a freebie. Also, I'm pretty sure 2 people read my blog so I don't even care.

There are many reasons I know a lot about sports. The first and most important reason is 1.) I am from Nebraska. I'm pretty sure it's a rule that you have to know everything about football before you graduate from elementary school. Football is the biggest deal since the Constitution was signed, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, the point is that I grew up on Big Red game days and Superbowl Sundays, though I don't really like the NFL. And I know that any Nebraskans reading this that knew me pretty well would probably want to cut off my legs because I was actually an avid fan of pretty much ANYONE that was playing Nebraska. I just like to mix things up, ok? But I promise I've been converted and I wear my Husker pride every football season.

Reason 2.) Growing up with 3 brothers who all played sports, my dad who coached our sports teams, and all my manly friends from high school. They all think I never payed attention to them, but I know half of my hockey and rugby knowledge just from eavesdropping on sporty conversations. Ha. Also. My dad taught me the rules to pretty much every single sport that was invented. Except for cricket. But if you start watching a sport on tv at my apartment, I'll most likely be able to know exactly what is going on.

Reason 3.) I played sports! Oh yes, I was very into soccer until high school, then track and field. Then nothing. I do yoga now.

Reason 4.) I learned a lot about sports from betting on games. Mostly I'm talking about college basketball brackets, but I also bet pieces of candy while watching football games. I'm pretty hardcore. But seriously, I've done soooooo well on all my brackets every year since high school, and it's not just because I choose teams based on the color of their jerseys. I read ESPN at least once a week. So bring it, because I'm going to school all of you this year.

Reason 5.) My older brother and I were really into baseball and football cards when we were younger, and so in order not to totally get taken advantage of (Brent would try to trade me totally lame cards for my sweet ones) I had to read up on who I had cards of. Worked like a charm, and I still win for having Ken Griffey Jr.'s rookie card (if it was actually legit, I still don't know) and Joe Montana's "retirement" card, whatever that means.

Reason 6.) Famous people. I grew up knowing I was related to Steve Young, and therefore I needed to know everything about him, his college football career, and his time in the NFL. I heard about some French man hitting somebody with his head during a soccer game, so I obviously had to read up on that and figure out what it was all about, which lead to my basic knowledge in all European soccer teams and my inevitable crush on David Villa. I didn't really know anything about anyone in the NBA (except for Michael Jordan, OF COURSE) until Space Jame (best movie ever). And, of course, Jimmer Fredette. I had NO idea who he was until this year, and the word on the street is that he's a big deal. Who even knew?

This post is getting really long and I'm sick of telling you all the reasons I totally kick butt when it comes to blowing your mind about sports. No, I'm not that familiar with specific athletes, but I should get credit for being able to participate in intelligent conversation about athletics in general, especially American college sports.

Yet when it comes down to it, I'd rather be talking about things that actually matter in this world, like preventing infant mortality or finding the solution to world peace. But that's for another day.

Lesson learned:

I'm awesome. Aaaaaand I am doing freaking amazing on my March Madness bracket, in case you were wondering.

Check out this siiiiiiick footage of the head-butting Frenchman:

Apparently the Italian man said something about his mother? Hahahaha

Lesson #33

2011-03-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Sick days.

Today I woke up at 2pm. Yes, that adds up to about 14 hours of sleep. I feel like I could go for a couple more hours if I wasn't sweating like a pig. I haven't eaten and the thought doesn't sound appealing. I've skipped all my morning classes and there is NO WAY I am getting in the shower and getting ready for the 2 more I have in...ten minutes. I think I will call today a "sick day."

Growing up, sick days were the best things in the world, even when you weren't pretending to be sick. I swear there was nothing better than sitting on the couch all day watching movie after movie while periodically throwing up my guts and having my mom cater to my every need. I remember one time in high school when my brother and I told my mom to call us out of school one day because we didn't "feel well." After she left for work we turned on some OC and watched at least 20 episodes while eating my dad's candy stash. It was a glorious day.

Sick days are different now. Reason #23405 that I HATE COLLEGE. While laying in my bed dreading the thought of clothing myself, I can't stop thinking about the 3 papers I need to get started on (2 of which are in French), the 2 tests I need to study for, and all the mindless homework that needs to get done.

So that sums it. There is nothing worse than a sick day in college.

Lesson learned:

1. Consume more vitamin c.

2. Hire someone to do all your homework for you.

3. Don't go to college.

ps. I love lolcatz.

Lesson #32

2011-03-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Feminism.

I have a feeling the majority of the people who actually read my blog have already left this post because of the title. But I have something important to say and y'all are going to sit tight and enjoy the ride.

I know for a fact that most people have no idea what feminism means. They associate it with unattractive lesbian women who burn their bras, don't shave their legs, and hate men. Perhaps some women like this exist out there, but I guarantee the majority of women who call themselves "feminists" in fact do shave their legs, wear skirts, and like men. Many of them even love men.

The fact is, I call myself a feminist because I believe every woman has a right to live the way she chooses with respect and dignity. I believe every woman has political and human rights that need to be upheld by the law. I believe that every woman should be equal to every man. It's all about equality, though I get the feeling people don't see that.

Lately I've been hearing a lot of "women victimize themselves too much" or "women aren't really oppressed - they're just whiny." This may surprise you, but I agree to some extent. Some women exaggerate their circumstances and I don't believe women in developed countries are necessarily "oppressed."

But women are not considered equal anywhere in the world.

Women perform over 2/3 of the world's work and own 10 percent of the world's wealth.

Women in America earn .75 for every dollar a man earns.

2/3 of illiterate adults around the world are women.

1 in 4 women in America will fall victim to sexual violence sometime during their life, and in some countries that rises to 1 in 2 women.

Women are highly underrepresented in decision-making in governments all around the globe.

27 million people are enslaved in human/sex trafficking today, 80 percent of which are women.

These are the universal traits attributed to women's issues. You would be appalled at the circumstances of women in countries such as India, the Congo, or Afghanistan. This is why I'm so passionate about women and their rights. I cannot live in a world where such atrocities occur and I not do or say anything.

This is my official statement to everyone out there who thinks I'm annoying or pushy or outspoken: THANK GOODNESS. If I didn't advertise it so much, would you have ever known how women live in this world?

Please stop making jokes about women and their rights. Please stop using derogatory words that reference women. It's offensive to me and I'm sure it's offensive to all those who have been fighting for centuries for equal opportunities. And please, listen to the women around you. They have opinions and ambitions and dreams that matter. Don't take that for granted.

Oh, and a late Happy International Women's Day to you.

Watch this video:

ps. Speaking of awesome women, check out the pink vigilantes. They've pretty much taken matters into their own hands when it comes to women's rights and being the most amazing people I've ever read about.

Look at them! So fierce and awesome.

Lesson #31

2011-03-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Service.

Maybe some of you know me, and I'm sure a lot of you don't. Yet I guess one thing I've come to be known for by everyone is my "interesting" career choice - international development.

The ideal job would be working on a grassroots level with people, working on projects such as keeping girls in school, teaching healthier childbirth practices, and getting clean water to remote villages. I'd love to work specifically with women, as their condition tends to be much worse than their male counterparts.

This isn't what I'm writing about in this post, however. I'd like to talk about real service, something that Americans are either very genuine about or really terrible at. I want to address some issues that really bother me about the way things are done in this country with regards to aid and service.

a.) STOP using the word "help." When you use that term to describe what you're doing for someone else it implies superiority. This is what it sounds like: "I am 'helping' you because I am obviously more equipped to solve your problems than you are." Never use that word. Acceptable verbs include: serve, aid (sometimes), enable, and empower. But never "help."

b.) Money is a very useful tool to fund important programs, but Americans are infamous for their aid programs that do more harm than good. Before you donate money to an organization or "cause," do your research. Are they sustainable? What impact do they have on a community? Do people actually benefit?

ps. When in doubt, donate to The Church of Latter-day Saints. I'm not just saying that because I have strong ties to the church. They have one of the best humanitarian programs out there, not just abroad but also within the States. If you're looking for more specific causes, ask me sometime and I can get you a list of good organizations.

c.) You don't have to go abroad to do real service. In fact, a lot of times going to volunteer in developing countries is completely useless. I believe people can make a lot of difference within their own communities, and most of the time that's exactly where their skills can best be utilized.

d.) Contrary to what I'm sure your Sunday school lessons have taught you, I don't believe smiling at someone is an act of service. At least go up and talk to the person and ask them how their day is, or tell them they look nice. SOMETHING. Just don't count smiling as a service.

e.) My hopes for a future career is just that - a career. I don't want to go to these countries to feel good about myself or "help" other people. I'm not by any means a better person for choosing to do what I do. I am developing skills that I believe can be best utilized in developing countries. I believe that I have been born with certain talents and abilities that enable me to be able to live in developing countries and be effective.

I find happiness in what I do, but I hope that everyone could do the same in whatever they do, no matter the occupation.

That is all.

Lesson #30

2011-02-15T00:03:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Hot lunch.

Remember how in elementary school "hot lunch" was the shiz? Me too. I waited patiently for every other Friday when crispitos were graciously served and my mom would let us buy one. I was obsessed with those things, and thinking back on it I don't even know what they were really made of. But that doesn't matter - it's the principle of the matter. Buying lunch at school was cool because a.) Mom never extended beyond the boundaries of a turkey sandwich and carrots and b.) it meant awesomeness, that somehow you were better than all the other losers that had to bring "cold lunches."

Well, the tables have turned my friends. It is no longer kosher to buy food at school and be cool. No, if you do that everyone thinks you're fat and/or lazy. Bringing your own food from home now implies 2 things, namely a.) you're frugal and/or b.) you're healthier (maybe) and/or c.) you're somehow less lazy than the person who was running late in the morning and didn't have time to stop and make a freaking sandwich.

I'm probably being confusing right now. That would make sense, because my brain is being very confusing right now. BUT LISTEN. I really do have a point. That is...

Stop JUDGING me when I buy food on campus and it's NOT a SALAD!!!

I see all those eyes staring at me when I pick up some Chex Mix from the vending machine on my way to class or when I'm absolutely craving a Charleston Chew and I eat it on the way to work. It's not ok. You a.) make me feel fat and b.) make me want to punch you and c.) make me want to record all the calories you consume during the day in secret. After that you might not want to show your face in public because HEAVEN FORBID you ate a cookie for breakfast.

The fact of the matter is I'm embarrassed to eat in public. No. Scratch that. I'm afraid to eat on campus unless it's a celery stick. That's not ok. I'm a good person! I sometimes eat like crap but I sure as heck don't look like it! So stop judging.

Please and thank you.

Lesson #29

2011-02-05T15:43:00.001-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Personal space.

Maybe I'm just a weenie when it comes to people invading my bubble. I've been known to get unusually flustered when people touch me during conversation or try to "cuddle" during a movie. But seriously, just don't do it. I hate it.

I know most people aren't like me in that regard, but I promise I'm not alone. Personal space is definitely cultural. For example, Haitians don't know what a bubble is and French people would rather not be within 10 feet of you if you're a stranger. Americans, however, have a nice mixture. Not too touchy but certainly more friendly. Or at least that's how it's supposed to be.

So. Let me break it down.

It is not culturally (in my book, and I am the leading expert of all things cultural) appropriate to:

a.) Touch people while talking. Unless you're trying really hard to get me to notice you or show interest, don't touch me. Don't try to carry on a conversation 2 inches from my face. Don't rub your feet on my legs. Don't try to hold my hand. It's weird.

b.) Sit right next to me in a row of empty seats. Seriously. If I even see you coming down the row and I have no idea who you are I'm putting my coat on the chair next to me. It's sooooo wrong. Leave at least 1 seat between us if you can help it.

c.) Talk to strangers in class. Or on a bus. Or in the hallway. IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME YOU BETTER HAVE A FREAKING GOOD REASON TO START A CONVERSATION. I don't know you. I don't want to tell you how my day is going. I don't want you to know how many siblings I have. It's annoying. Don't do it.

Fin.

Lesson #28

2011-01-21T00:23:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Graduation.

The day of freedom will soon be upon us...kind of.

As of right now, I am on track to graduate in December. This mostly depends on my laziness (a.k.a. taking fewer classes in a semester and graduating in April) or on a paid internship I just applied for (I'll let you know what I hear!). But whatever I choose, I will be graduating within a year or so.

I should be scared, right? I feel like I'm supposed to be terrified of the real world, so much so that I even consider grad school. There are some legitimate fears. All of us juniors/seniors in college know that getting any job (let alone our dream job) right out of college is a feat. There are other concerns, such as worrying about healthcare, taxes, and not moving back in with our parents.

In all honesty, I am extremely excited. I'm excited to get a real job so I can finally pay off my student loans. I am excited that I will be at liberty to watch all the movies I want in the evening without worrying about finishing up my homework for the next day. And I am SO EXCITED that I will have graduated from this infamous university as a single woman!

I've heard a lot lately that I shouldn't be comfortable being single. I've also heard that while I'm making my glorious plans to run away and travel and do good things and be happy, I should really think about settling down - not so much as in plan my life around getting married, but definitely expect it and welcome it with open arms. At the very least I should be prepared. I know a good majority of you read this blog because I have strong opinions that you find amusing, and I certainly don't want to disappoint you. Therefore, as you might have predicted, I am at opposition with people of the general thought that I should be preparing for marriage and working it into my plans.

Do I want to get married? Sure. Someday. Do I think about it? Sure. Sometimes. Do I think about it when making life plans? No, not really. I plan my life around me - my dreams, my ambitions, my goals. I can do this because there is no "other" in my life. It's just me. Maybe you think I'm selfish, and you may think as you wish. But while you're critiquing my life I'll be loving every minute of it.

I have never felt more confident and more happy in my entire life than I have in realizing that as a single college graduate I can do whatever the hell I want. I suppose that now I've publicly made this statement that the vengeful gods will send some gorgeous man to waltz himself into my life. And I suppose that when it happens, we will deal with it then.

Lesson #27

2010-12-13T15:31:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Books.

I love books with all my heart.

Whenever anyone asks me what I like to do, the first thing I always say is reading. I could read [with periodic naps] all day every day for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I am in school and so I never get to read as much as I would like, but it never stops me from reading at least one book a semester. And, of course, I devour books during the summer.

I decided I wanted to share the top 10 books everyone on earth should read. These are not necessarily my absolute favorites, as I tend to enjoy thick and difficult books. All of these books/authors, however, remain near and dear to my heart.

In no particular order:

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

Warning: the language in this book is a little hard to read. You kind of have to talk out loud to yourself because she writes phonetically. However, I really admire Zora and have always enjoyed her work. She was one of the shining authors of the Harlem Renaissance, and for a good reason. This book is superb. Then again, I've always loved books with strong female leads - take this into consideration when asking me for recommendations.

Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie

This book is as magical as any movie adaptation you have happened to see. If you're looking for a really good, quick read I highly suggest this one. How Barrie thought of it all, I will never know.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

My grandma once begged me to read this book and, reluctantly, I did. I cannot believe how much I loved this book. The way Betty draws you into these characters and makes you so emotionally involved is thrilling. Really. Read it.

Persuasion by Jane Austen

I know, I know. You probably don't like Jane. You might detest the movies based on her stories or think all her books are about love. Well, you're wrong. If you've ever read Jane's books, they are not as romantic as you think. They are actually quite satirical and very critical of the way women are treated in her society. Also, you've probably never even heard of Persuasion, so please read it. It might just be my favorite one of her books.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

I'm sure you all love the movie. Well, guess what. The book is better. Always. But seriously, this book is HILARIOUS and the movie left out half the story. If you're looking for a good laugh and an easy read, this is the ticket.

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck

I might be the only person on the planet who absolutely loved this book, but I don't care. I thought it was amazing. There is something about the way Pearl writes that makes me never want to put the book down. If you're feeling up to the challenge, I really suggest this book (it's the first of a series, if you're feeling adventurous).

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Though these books aren't really of any literary merit, this series is one of the more addicting stories ever written. If you're looking for something that could be easily finished in a week or less, this is the series for you. Be careful - it's kind of graphic.

Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns

Growing up my mom always told me this was her favorite book. It wasn't until high school that I actually read it. It was excellent and a really interesting story. I really don't think you'll be disappointed if you take the time to check it out.

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I don't think anyone in America was allowed to graduate middle school without reading this book, but I highly suggest reading it again. It's a classic but genuinely good. Also, it's pretty short so that's always a plus.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Confession: I haven't finished this book yet. I'm actually currently reading it and I'm about halfway through. It's amazing and so addicting. It's pretty thick, so beware. But it is so worth it. I'm pretty sure even when I get to the end I will still be the biggest fan ever.

I had a really hard time making this list, but I hope it gets you started on your reading adventures.

What are your top 10 books that everyone should read?

Lesson #26

2010-12-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Women.

That's right. I'm stepping on the feminist soap box.

Let me tell you something about the culture I live in. It mostly consists of women (at the age of 19) and men (at the age of 22) getting married and having lots of babies and living happily ever after in their little 1950's world. So naturally, this being our most important objective in life, a university is created to facilitate the process of getting these young folks together in one place so they can meet and fall in love.

You can disagree with me (a lot of people do), but it's basically created an environment of everyone sizing each other up as their eternal mate. I feel like guys have some sort of a checklist they carry around and if you say one thing wrong like "I actually really like gay people" they immediately cross you off of their list. Fine by me, you homophobic.

SO. Me, being more of the independent/"I want to have a career"/I'm a democrat type, I've been crossed off of several lists. Or maybe all of them. Do I care? Hell no.

I have a problem with the system. I have a problem with these expectations and stereotypes I'm expected to fill. Doesn't anyone else? I think this sort of life is wonderful for people who really do want to live that way. I just wonder how many people out there feel obligated more than they feel the actual desire.

At least there's me, one of the misfits. So I would like every boy on this earth to know that saying,

"You are so lucky you're a woman. You can major in whatever you want because you'll get married,"

IS NOT OK. And the last boy that said that to me got a talkin'-to.

I AM A WOMAN. I have hopes and dreams and goals that I will achieve because I want to! No man and no religion will EVER pressure me into filling societal roles and expectations. If I get married it will be because I WANT TO GET MARRIED. If I have children it will be because I WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN. And damnit, if I want to stay at home instead of work then it will be because I WANT TO.

For the record, boys, I hate Sarah Palin. I want to have a career and change the world. Oh, and I don't want to live in America because it's a little too capitalist for me. So please do me the favor and check me off of your lists right now. I'd rather just be your friend anyway.

Lesson #25

2010-11-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Gratitude.

Since it is the month of our blessed holiday of eating unholy amounts of food, and I probably won't blog for a while, I decided it would be appropriate to write about gratitude.

Recently I volunteered at a fundraiser for Sustain Haiti, the group I went with to Haiti (obviously). One woman started asking me a lot of questions about what we did, how our projects are doing, etc. Then she asked me a weird question.

"With all you saw in Haiti, the way people lived and such, did you come back to the United States thinking 'I have too much stuff! I need to live more simply!'?"

My response? "No."

She was quite taken aback. This response doesn't surprise me too much. That's what people are supposed to feel, right? After seeing people living in filth, barely able to feed their kids (let alone seek medical care when they're sick), I should feel guilty about how I live in the States, right?

Nope.

Of course I am more grateful for what I have. Clean tap water had never seemed more precious to me and I loved that I could turn on all the lights in my house if I wanted to. But no, I don't feel guilty for the things I've been blessed with. Of course, this is all within boundaries. I'm not one to frivolously spend money on unnecessary luxuries. I'm just as poor as the next college kid. But I'm sorry, I'm not going to waste the resources living in this country has blessed me with. I will live in a house with running water and electricity. I will eat lots of junk food when I'm depressed. I will use a computer and have an ipod and a cell phone. I will go to the doctor when I'm sick. And my someday family will have these things too.

I don't know why I was randomly selected to be born where I was or to be raised in the family I have. I am ridiculously lucky and I know that. And for this reason I will not sit around idly. I will use my good fortunes to bring good fortunes to others. That's it.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to think about those less fortunate this holiday season.

Lesson #24

2010-11-02T17:34:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1. Beauty.

I learned in my anthropology class a bajillion years ago that the idea of beauty is universal. Every culture has their own idea of what makes you beautiful and people take great care to adhere to these customs.

What I want to know is who the HECK made up the rules?

I'd like to hold someone responsible for making me wear makeup, dress in clothes that show off my curves, curl my hair, and shave my legs.

Now, I'm sure some of you are going to pull a "well you don't HAVE to." That is where you are wrong. No, no one is physically forcing me to curl my eyelashes. But I have this subconscious idea that is embedded into my DNA that I have to do what is expected of me to feel worth. If people don't find me attractive, then I'm not. I wish I was strong enough to not care, but I do realize that society is based on this idea. If I want a job, I have to look appropriate. If I want people to treat me with respect, I'm much more likely to receive it if I don't show up in a sweatshirt and unshaved legs.

As living proof of this, just look at my college dating experiences. Before wearing makeup = 2 dates over 2 years. After starting to wear makeup = ...more dates...maybe 10...over a 10 month period. I know, I'm a loser even with makeup. But come on! Don't guys appreciate girls that are comfortable with their natural selves?

I'm done. Watch this.

Lesson #23

2010-10-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Group projects.

Let's just cut to the chase and admit that group projects are the worst thing ever invented. You would think that in college they would a little bit easier to coordinate, but it is a lie. I feel like it's worse in college.

In high school, the smart people to idiot ratio was ridiculous - it had to have been 3 idiots to every semi-intelligent person. It always seemed like I was doing a project all by myself and putting everyone's names on it. But in college we're all supposed to be smart. Now it's a ration of 3 lazy people to every person who actually cares.

I understand that group projects are supposed to help us prepare for the real world because that's what we'll mostly be doing in our future careers. Yet I think professors are forgetting something...IF I AM GETTING PAID TO DO SOMETHING, OF COURSE I'M GOING TO COOPERATE WITH A GROUP. In college, some people could care less about their grade, thus jeopardizing the group and their grades.

Please just let us pick our own group. Please.

2.) First dates.

Let's just say it.

First dates suck.

And first dates especially suck in the LDS culture.

Here's a breakdown of how it happens:

Step #1: He asks her out.
He notices her. He tries talking to her. He fails multiple times. He finally succeeds. He waits until the tenth time he's talked to her to finally ask her out. Or ask for her number. If the latter, he takes him much longer to finally work up the nerve to ask her out.

Step #2: Thinking of the activity.
This one is tricky. He doesn't want to pick something lame but he can't bring out the big guns yet. Oh no, that's for the second date. He contemplates a group date, but really he just wants to be with her. He finally settles on bowling and frozen yogurt - always a safe choice, he thinks.

Step #3: Picking her up.
This can be made awkward by several situations. He has a hard time figuring out where she lives. He walks in to only have to spend two minutes with her scary roommates who won't stop staring while his date finishes getting ready. This of course includes him practically hugging the door, half in and half out of the apartment. When his date comes out, he chooses not to comment on her dress but really to just start running away.

Step #4: Judging/activity.
The next 3 hours is spent asking questions, telling jokes, and starting to get to know the date. This is also what we call torture. Another term, more commonly used, is judging. 3 hours of judging. This is especially in evident in LDS culture. All that's going through his mind is, "Can I spend the rest of eternity with her?" With their potential marriage on the line, 95% of girls won't make it to the second date.

Step #5: The drop off.
This is the most crucial part of the whole experience. It is in this moment that he will find out if she wants some more. He walks her to the door, making weird small talk, and finally arrives at the destination. This is it. They both acknowledge that they had a great time. Hug. She leaves.

Step #6: Analyzing.
Now he will spend the next 2 days analyzing what had happened. "Did I have a good time? Should I ask her out again? She did say she wanted a big family... Was she interested?" And then, of course, he will probably chicken out. Thus the cycle starts again with the girl he sits next to in spanish class.

Lesson #22

2010-09-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) My [informal] complaint letter to the makers of Frosted Mini Spooners.

Dear creators of Frosted Mini Spooners,

I love your cereal. I really do. I actually prefer it to the name brand, so consider that a complement. BUTTTT....

I really feel that you should take better care to frost ALL of the mini spooners. And when I say frost I mean really frost it. Frost it like you frost your grandmother's Christmas cookies. Frost it like Frosty the Snowman frosts his tiny town. Ok, I'm sorry for setting the record on the number of times "frost" has been used in a letter and also for all the Christmas references, but I'm being serious.

I must tell you my utter dislike for mini spooners that aren't covered in sugar. It's basically a mouth full of wheat. In fact, it IS a mouth full of wheat. I don't know about you guys, but when I was young my mother, in order to punish us for saying bad words, used to shove handfuls of wheat in my mouth. No, not soap - that was too traditional. Wheat. So, while trying to enjoy your product, you are making me have terrible flashbacks to the times when I sinned, therefore undoing all of Jesus's work to help me get over it.

Yes, I'm comparing you guys to the devil. So please, frost those spooners.

Sincerely,

Lesa

ps. I'm lying about the wheat-in-the-mouth thing.
pss. I take back the apology about Christmas.

Lesson #21

2010-09-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) The 3rd wheel.

I think that's my official title. The 3rd wheel. The extra girl that never has a date but we'll bring her along because she amuses us.

What I really want to get at here is that there is nothing wrong with being the 3rd wheel as long as the couple is behaving themselves. So here are some ground rules I think these couples need to go over before inviting a friend to join them:

a. Don't be affectionate. I'm pretty sure there's nothing worse than sitting across the table from your friends watching them snuggle and kiss and hold hands. This will bring up one of two thoughts, namely "Wow, I am a loser. Why the heck am I incapable of securing a date for the evening?" or more common for me, "Do I look like that when I'm kissing? Sick." But usually it just turns into, "I'd rather be doing homework."

b. Be actively engaged in conversation WITH THE 3RD WHEEL. It's soooo annoying when the couple has their own side conversation, leaving the 3rd wheel to feel completely and hopelessly awkward.

c. If the 3rd wheel has volunteered to drive, don't you dare sit in the back with your lover. Doing so has subjected your friend to feel like the chauffeur, thus contributing to the dislike of being around you two.

I would say the most important rule would be...

d. Don't invite a third person.

The end.

Paris!

2010-08-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

Mistake #1: Going to the most romantic city in the world by yourself.

Paris is gorgeous. There's so much to do and so much more to eat. The Eiffel Tower is a lot bigger than I had previously thought, the Catacombes were really weird, and I saw some of Van Gogh's work with my very own eyeballs. While I'm trying to convince myself that I am so lucky to be in Paris and see things people only dream of, all I can think about is sharing it with someone special - a boy I like, my friends, my mom. I think it would have been so much better if I would have brought a friend or met my lover or made Caitlyn come with me despite her protests of being too poor.

Mistake #2: Not doing the 2 things I really cared about.

The first thing I wanted to do was buy a baguette or chocolate or a crepe and sit down by the Eiffel Tower while eating my delicious snack and staring at people. This is a modified goal from the previous one of wanting to get into a baguette fight with one of the Olsen twins while on a french boy's shoulders. Seeing as the latter is a tad bit impossible, I thought I'd change it. So simple, and I didn't even get a chance to do it!!!
My second goal was to buy a penis baguette from the gay bakery. Self-explanatory.

Best decision ever #1: Not entering the Louvre.

Maybe people will hate me for this, but I quite honestly don't care a tiny bit that I didn't actually go in. I was perfectly fine with taking my picture by the weird pyramids and moving on.

Best decision ever #2: Not swimming in the Seine.

Wasn't planning on it, but seeing the water confirmed my dislike for gross things.

...

SO. Paris was good. I did many things. I would like to go back with someone, preferably a lover. French bread is good. The end.

Lyon

2010-08-14T15:11:00.000-07:00

Lyon is one of the lesser-known places in France, yet it's the third largest city. I guess it makes sense since most people associate the country France with the city Paris, and when you ask them to name other cities the only ones they can think of are port cities like Marseille or Nice.

Yet somewhere in the middle of this beautiful country there is a fairly large city named Lyon, which I would say is the french equivalent of San Francisco - there are many large hills and hippies that dot the landscape.

In all of my french classes that discussed culture, they stressed two things you must do when visiting so as not to stand out - don't smile and dress nicely. When I arrived here, I was trying very hard not to smile despite my pure bliss. Yet almost every person I pass on the streets here will smile at you! I don't even look at them and I can hear a "bonjour!" and as I look over they are giving me the biggest smiles while holding their tiny dogs. Their choice of wardrobe is as surprising as their smiles. I saw a lady today wearing a flower pattern shirt and a plaid skirt. That is the biggest no no in the history of fashion, yet here is a seasoned french woman displaying her insane choice of patterns. I couldn't help but smile at how relaxed and nice everyone is here in Lyon. I feel a tad overdressed at times, which is huge for someone like me.

Everything here is ancient, which makes it so beautiful and romantic. I absolutely love visiting the old cathedrals and sitting in Vieux (Old) Lyon, just taking it all in. The parks here are spectacular, as you could imagine, and the food...where do I even start?! FOOOOOOD. Oh goodness, I could write a million blogs about the food. I promise I will gain 50lbs while I'm here. Oh! And I must mention the part I absolutely adore about this city because I'm a huge history buff - so Lyon was the center for the French Resistance during WWII. This was largely due to the secret passageways between buildings that the fighters used to escape the Nazis throughout the city. These passageways still exist and only a small percentage of them are marked, so it's kinda fun trying to find the other ones by opening random doors you'll see on the street. I don't know why, but I just love that.

I could go on forever about this city, but I'm sure you're already bored. I leave for Paris on Monday and I'm terrified that I won't like it because I'm pretty sure people don't smile there and they dress really nicely. But if you've been there, do you have any suggestions on what I should see?

la France

2010-08-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

I did it.

I finally made it to the country of my dreams.

The only problem...? I've built France up in my head so much that I made it this wonderful, classy place in my imagination. I made it here only to find that I love it so much and I've convinced myself that I need to live here. This is a problem since I'm supposed to live in Africa someday.

Now let me explain. I'm not in Paris, and I'm convinced that it's the reason I love it here. Granted, it is only my second day, but there are hardly any tourists (none of which are American that I've seen), everyone thinks I'm french, and I had chocolate for breakfast this morning.

Lyon is gorgeous. It really is France's best kept secret, and I hope it stays that way. Also I'm planning on dropping out of school and staying here so if you want to visit please let me know.

See ya never.

Lessons from Haiti

2010-07-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

If you ever plan on going to Haiti in the near future, I recommend preparing yourself. Here is a list of all things Haitian:

1. Sweat. It's everywhere. You can't escape it. Bring lots of extra clothes - you'll soak through at least 2 outfits a day.
2. Haitian women don't wear bras. Yikes.
3. I thoroughly recommend bringing a gun to kill all the annoying dogs and roosters that make too much noise while you're trying to sleep.
4. Mangoes = diarrhea and rice = constipation. Eat a healthy mix and your poop will be fine.
5. Shorts. Highly recommended, but with a hefty dose of bug spray.
6. I hate stupid Americans that don't know what development is or how it should work.
7. Haitian kids are the cutest things on the planet and they deserve so much better then what they have.
8. Watch out for those Haitian men, ladies. They will creep you right out of the country.
9. Learn creole. They really appreciate that.
10. The food, the water, the driving - just don't think about it. You will survive as long as you pretend everything is normal.

The one major thing I personally learned from this experience is that I want to do development work for the rest of my life. I don't see how my life could be any more fulfilling.

Hey you!

2010-07-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

Mmmmmk.

So much has happened in the past week. I have no idea where to start....?

Well, can I say that Haitian kids are the cutest things ever to grace the planet. And I'm not just saying that because I love Haitians. They are soooo cute and they love white people. Every time we walk down the street kids come out of nowhere yelling "Hey you! What is your name?" That's pretty much all they know in english. Then they proceed to follow us down the street, sometimes holding your hand or sometimes clinging to your leg. I went to 2 orphanages last week and I wanted to cry. You know those commercials where they show really sad kids with bugs in their eyes and big bellies from malnutrition? EVERY kid in the orphanage looks like that. Some are better than others, but it's usually one person in charge of like 50 kids and it is so hard for them to care for all the kids. Also there are reported to be 1 million orphans in Haiti and I can guarantee they're not getting the love or attention they deserve. On the plus side, we had a pretty intense soccer game at one of the orphanages - yes, they kicked our trash. Hard core.

Every morning we teach english for free to whoever wants to come. 2 weeks ago there were 30 people. This week there were over 100! I love it. And speaking french comes in handy because I can definitely help out as far as explaining things. Also all the boys love to tell me how pretty I am. It's awesome.

All the girls in my group look freaking gorgeous all the time. I'm going to kill them.

It's still really hot, except apparently I chose the right time to come to Haiti because it's their rainy season and everyday there will be a short time when I'm cold - I will never take that for granted again.

I take bucket showers. It's totally legit.

I hope you're all still alive and kicking. Eat lots of carrots and handburgers for me. Also drink out of the faucet.

Haiti!

2010-07-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

I guess my life lessons will be postponed for a bit while I use this blog to update everyone about my life in Haiti...which will be full of life lessons. Don't you worry.

I can't believe I'm actually here! And goodness gracious it is sooooooo hot. So hot. And humid. I am slowly being melted. But I absolutely love it. A few things so far:
1. I'm trying to take as many pictures as possible, but it's kind of difficult. It's really offensive to take pictures of people I don't know - very degrading. I'm trying to make lots of friends so that next week I can take pictures with them!
2. All the men here are in love with me. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I speak french. Most white people here don't speak any french or creole and I think it's really frustrating for them. Which reminds me! I do a lot of translating, but I really wish I knew creole. It's more widely spoken and I think it would mean a lot to them.
3. These are the happiest people I have ever met. Seriously. They know how to make the best of their condition for sure. They're always laughing and joking and are thourougly amused by our attempts at creole. Kids will run down the street and literally jump on you, laughing and having a great time.
4. It is FREAKING hot.
5. No, the rubble is not gone. It's everywhere. And almost everyone lives in tents. You might feel a little sympathy if they weren't so freaking joyous all the time. People are doing what they can but most of the rubble is cement and where do you dump that?

I have a million more things to say but I can't think of anything.

I love all of you and I'm having a great time here!! If you have any questions just comment. We do so much here I just really don't have the time to write it all down. Until next time!

Lesson #20

2010-07-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.)Dying your hair.

I've been dying my hair since I was 16. Actually, that would be a lie if you consider the occasional highlights I would get before the age of 16. In any case, dying my hair is one of my favorite things to do even if it means my hair will fall out by the time I'm 30.

Let's go through my many transformations:

Age 16, right before the big change.

It's kinda hard to tell, but my natural color is dirty blonde. And no, I do not dye my eyebrows.

Age 16

I'm quite aware that I am not 16 in this picture, but this was the color of my hair when I first dyed it. My boyfriend had recently broken up with me, and part of my coping therapy was dying my hair. It was Hannah's idea and my mom cried when she saw me the next day. She really liked my blonde hair and I have no idea why.

Age 17-19

I decided to go blonde-ish again, mostly because I was super lazy and didn't want to have to deal with dying it all the time. Half way through my freshman year of college I decided to go a little darker again. But then...

Age 19-present

BAM! I decided to go red. I had no idea if I could pull it off but I was super bored.

I guess the reason I'm even bothering with this post is because recently a boy commented that he isn't attracted to girls that dye their hair because he likes girls who appreciate what God has already given them.

...I have something I'd like to say to you, boywhomustnotbenamed.

Firstly, I hate to bring it up, but you were attracted to me before you found out I've been dying my hair for quite some time. You know why? BECAUSE I LOOK FREAKING GOOD. Secondly, I would LOVE for you to find a girl in America who has never dyed her hair, never plans on dying her hair, or has never considered it. This includes ANY sort of coloring - according to you, it's unnatural and not a good quality for a woman to have. Thirdly, what is so wrong with a girl wanting to feel beautiful? If I feel more confident and sexy walking out my door with brown hair as opposed to blonde, gosh darn it I'm going to do it!

Last but not least, change is the best therapy. Or at least welcomed change. I think guys underestimate what a new outfit or a new haircut or new makeup does for a girl's self-esteem.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm doing this post because I don't have to freaking explain myself to this loser.

SO, the lessons to be learned are:
a. Love yourself.
b. If you have never dyed your hair, I highly suggest trying it.
c. Boys who wouldn't date you because of your hair are not worth your time.

Lesson #19

2010-06-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.)Kids.

I guess being a woman somehow gives people the assumption that I'm a kid-person. It makes sense I guess, since [most] women tend to be more loving, gentle, kind, and nurturing...then there's me. Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great, but they're not necessarily my cup of tea. I'm positive that this piece of information will surprise lots of people, since I've spread the word that I want a big family (which is as true now as it ever was).

To be honest, I prefer kids before the age of 2 and after the age of 13. Babies are great. They can't talk and they're easy to entertain. And they're adorable! Teenagers, however stupid they can be, are people I really like spending time with. I remember all of those people that helped me when I was young and whiny and they have truly shaped who I am today. It really means a lot to me to be a good influence in the lives of struggling teens.

Well, my mother decided to help me out and get me a job for part of the summer. I guess she thought she was helping me out but really it's torture. Yes, I watch little brats all day. The best part is, they are all between the ages of 5 and 13! Perfect. They love hanging on me. Like literally, clinging onto me for dear life. I hate being touched by anyone, let alone dirty children. All the girls like to grab my hair and immediately start tugging or braiding or stroking it. I'm scared I'll find peanut butter in it one of these days. The worst part is, they all seem to love me but they have a very hard time following directions. No wonder I got this job so easy.

Among all the little people (there's over 100), there are only 3 kids I like.

Kid #1: He is adorable. He is always smiling and reciting his multiplication tables and telling me about the solar system. He told me he wants to be a movie director, paleontologist, and a computer scientist. We were playing a card game and I was losing so he kept giving me some of his cards saying, "you deserve it!". Yesterday he asked me why I'm so pretty all the time. I've never felt more special in my life.

Kid #2: He is such a trouble-maker, but I guess that's why I like him. It's always interesting with him around. He knows he's cute and uses it. But secretly he's a really good boy. I sat and talked with him for awhile and he is quite hilarious. Also he stinks at staring contests, but he's always challenging me to them. I love it.

Kid #3: She is one of the older kids, so I definitely get along with her much more easily. We've had several discussions about Harry Potter and Twilight and she feels that I understand her more than the other counselors because we're both so nerdy. She really reminds me of myself when I was young - she doesn't socialize with the other kids and she's always off to the side reading. We are misfits for life.

I seriously can't wait until this job is over. Does anyone have any suggestions for me as far as surviving these next couple of weeks?

Lesson #18

2010-05-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Mumblers.

One of the many frustrating things in this world for me is mumbling - I just can't stand people who don't know how to open their mouth wide enough to let real words come out. Maybe it's because I have such a big mouth and I constantly use my "outside voice", but am I really crazy for demanding people to speak more clearly?

Here is an example conversation (based on a real one):

Me: Hey! How is it going? I haven't see you in ages.

Mumbler: Oh, I'm good. You?

Me: Perfect. What have you been up to lately?

Mumbler: Well, not too much...asdlkfjweknfasd;lierfnalskvjnde;ginwjkdjnslkgjad;lkfnsdlckjdfvnefklsdkja;dlfjkasdflkj.

Me: ...mmk it was nice seeing ya!

These conversations only get worse when you're forced to talk to chronic mumblers over the phone. I feel like I'm constantly saying "What? I can't understand you. Try opening your mouth and talking into the phone. I can't make out your throat noises." What really sucks is that everyday I have to speak to a mumbler in French. Yet not only is he a mumbler, but he has a Creole accent on top of his Quebecois French accent. No, I can never understand what he says. Yes, I do avoid him at all costs. I could go on and on with this subject but let's get to the point:

a. Learn to speak.
b. Try increasing the volume.
c. Don't EVER talk to people on the phone.

Lesson #17

2010-05-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Hideous blog layouts.

Yes, I know the layout for my blog is totally gay. I have no idea how to fix it, so until someone shows me you're going to have to read my [mostly] sarcastic commentary with an extremely girly and possibly immature background.

2.) Teachers that can make or break ~~a class~~ your education.

I am currently studying the french language. No, I am not fluent. Yes, I do suck at it. HOWEVER, I love it. It's a curse really, loving something you're not very good at. C'est la vie, n'est pas? I've unfortunately had the opportunity to speak with two of my french professors in the past 4 months that have each asked me if there is another major more suitable to my strengths. It really hurts having people, especially professionals in the field, not believe that you can do it.

These wonderful encounters with each of the professors reminded me of a most beloved choir teacher in high school. Not only did she personally not like me, but she made it clear that she didn't believe that I had what it took to excel in music. I kept trying to tell myself not to listen, but her attitude towards me affected me deeply. It didn't matter that I had sang in prestigious choirs or that I received extremely high scores from judges at competitions - she didn't believe in me, and I in turn couldn't believe in myself. Since then, I have regrettably given up on my music and the dream of singing professionally. I continue to sing, but mostly in the kitchen while I cook.

When I fell in love with french, I was super nervous because it isn't something that comes as easily to me as music does. So to have not one but two professors, on top of my apprehensions, tell me that I should study something different was really not the best thing for me. It was then that I thought back on what had happened to me a few short years ago and I realized something - I can do it. I should do it. And yes, I will do it.

So suck it Mrs. N. Je ne vous ai pas besoin.

I'm gonna learn the freaking language. Once this is accomplished I'm going to change the world. After that I am going to write a book about my experiences and I will dedicate it to those who didn't believe in me - without you guys, I would never have pushed myself so hard to be where I am today.

Lesson #16

2010-05-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) 16 things that make me happy.

I, like so many other people in this world, am not a naturally happy person. I don't smile unless there is a good reason to, I don't laugh unless I feel it's necessary, and I have rarely felt that sunny warmth of happiness when I am alone.

I was inspired by Katie Sokoler's blog to create this entry. She's always blogging about these really fun, cute things that always brighten my day. I rely on so many different things in my life to get me through the day, and I thought that sharing them might help others who are looking for a little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

16 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

my faith

my family

my friends

daisies

lazy Sundays

singing at the top of my lungs in the car

a really good book

bacon

pretty umbrellas on rainy days

wearing pretty dresses

music

peeing in the shower

french

taking naps

watching old movies while eating ice cream

Nebraska thunderstorms

(my heaven)

What makes you happy?

Lesson #15

2010-04-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Dementors.

For all of you avid Harry Potter fans, I thought I would make reference to dementors. It's only appropriate to speak of these happiness-sucking, depression-causing creatures during finals week. Let's sum it up in 5 words:

Finals are synonymous with dementors.

While procrastinating my studying yesterday, I came across a clip from the movie Invictus with Morgan Freeman (who looks EXACTLY like Nelson Mandela. Like they're twins.). In this particular snippet from the movie, Mr. Mandela was reciting a poem that helped him survive incarceration. The name of this poem, coincidentally, is called "Invictus." It goes as follows:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This of course inspired me to write words of encouragement to all my fellow college students. Ready?:

You can do it!

Yay for getting good grades!

Just kidding! Passing is good too!

Just because you failed doesn't mean you fail at life!

Exclamation points should always make you feel better!

It's ok, Jesus loves you.

And gosh darn it guys, you are the captain of your soul! So don't you dare forget to use the Petronus charm to finish your finals and save your soul.

ps. I'm sorry to all of the BYU students who have taken their finals already. I know without my words of encouragement you most likely failed and have no soul anymore. That's ok. Jesus still loves you.

Lesson #14

2010-04-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Blasphemous professors.

I was fortunate enough to take a class from a very confused old man during the last few months. It really has been quite the adventure. Somewhere between him claiming that he was really supposed to have been born in 1872 in Germany because of a dream he had and his moving stories about throwing sticks before he hurt his knee, I was struck with an idea - I need to have a dream explaining why I prefer nature to modern (and distasteful) industrial life. I mean, if his dream explained why he felt like he never fit in with technology and why he prefers wearing wool vests with wooden buttons, then surely God would give me a dream to explain why I love nature and soaking up the sun for hours and lathering mud all over my feet!

So, of course, I did dream about how I was supposed to have been born a tree in 1753 in Canada. I guess the angel with the list (who may or may not have been my roommate) forgot about me and the only place that was left for my spirit was in the body of a girl born in 1990 in the US. She had to live in Nebraska, which is the reject of all the states, but the angel promised me that there would be lots of trees so I would feel at home. I jolted awake from my dream [that happened to take place while I was fully conscious] and I ran around for joy. Finally! My strange tendencies to roll around in mud and turn green were explained! I was supposed to be a tree!

Thank goodness my professor was able to open my eyes and help me to realize my true potential. For our last class together today, he dressed up as the man he was supposed to be (authentic wardrobe and everything) and was able to be "in his element," as he put it. He inspired me to do the same - tomorrow I am going to stand in the park, drink water through my feet (not as easy as it looks), and photosynthesize. I encourage all of you to find your real self by dreaming about who you were really supposed to come to earth as and chase your dreams, just like me and my professor. Don't forget to share your special revelation with everyone you know and even those you don't!

Lesson #13

2010-03-29T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Setting your sights too high.

I find it very ironic and also slightly creepy that this lesson is the unlucky number of 13, as today's lesson is derived from a very long month of being on a very unlucky roller coaster. Let's just say that I've learned 2 pertinent things from this bumpy and very awkward ride:

a. Don't pick a roller coaster you can't handle.

b. If you do, buckle up and prepare to throw up when it's over.

Roller coasters are very fickle. They're never sure what direction to take so they just let the track lead them until they end up spiraling down a large hill headed for disaster. Yet somehow they manage to make it. They coast into the gate, relived it's all over and back to normal. What about the passengers, you might ask? They love the ride. They think it's great. They have total confidence in the roller coaster that it knows what it's doing and where it's going. Then that great big mountain of a track comes. The passenger can see the drop but can't stop from falling down. Panic is manifested in the silent screams as they plummet to the bottom. Yet they too, make it out ok...but slightly more terrified and permanently damaged as compared to the roller coaster. Many passengers end up having trust issues with other roller coasters for the rest of their lives.

The moral of that very clever and highly intelligent analogy is this: roller coasters suck. They really do. But I keep riding them. I probably will for a really long time. So will you. And I guess someday we'll find a roller coaster that doesn't make us want to cry or make us feel nauseous. When that day comes, I'll most likely be at Disneyland. And it will most likely be the teacup ride.

Lesson #12

2010-03-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson objectives include:

1.) Wanting to die.

Recently I've become a victim of annoying myself past the point where it's allowed.

You know what I mean, right?

That feeling where words are flowing out and you feel like you really shouldn't be saying those words but for some reason you keep going until you reach the point where you really can't stop or backtrack = my life at the present moment.

I have been officially annoying myself (and others - they too are included in this cycle of death). It's disgusting. I've been involved in some conversations lately that I just wish had never happened, or at least not the parts where I babbled about absolutely nothing and then proceeded to relay all the information that has been stored in my brain; this information includes but is not limited to what I learned in class on a particular day, my deepest darkest secrets, and what I think about the current political situation in Haiti.

I might also add that it doesn't really help when you're trying not to make a fool of yourself in front of a certain someone, yet this is still accomplished because for some reason you're going through a "why am I not shutting up?" phase.

I guess this lesson we've learned here is:

a. Learn when to shut up.
b. If you feel like you might be annoying, you probably are.
c. I use way too many run-on sentences.

Lesson #11

2009-11-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Don't dismiss New Moon so easily.

I don't even comprehend the idea of refusing to see New Moon if you're a girl. Sure, it's cheesy. Yes, Bella makes you want to kill yourself because she's so stupid. But seriously, are you human? Who actually goes to movies because of the plot line and the development of the characters?

I sure as hell don't.

Numero uno, Jacob in the movie is so freaking sexy it makes you sweat a little. Numero dos, JACOB IS SOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL. And I know a lot of people don't agree with me, but I find Edward to be quite beautiful himself. Oh, if I could get inside those pants...sorry Grandma, if you're reading this.

Now, I understand why some guys are hesitate to view this film. It's definitely a chick flick. And as stated previously, it's just brimming over with bare chests and perfect abs. HOWEVER, I'm hoping that you'll get the point - go start working out. Now that millions of girls have been exposed to what a man's body should look like, they will be expecting it. I would hate to see you miss out because you couldn't get it past your thick head that girls will be girls, and they can be VERY shallow (and you thought men were all by themselves...).

And that's all I have to say about that.

Lesson #10

2009-10-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Nobody likes a Penelope.

First things first, let's define a Penelope:

Penelope Tutorial

So I am hoping that you have inferred that a Penelope is someone who thinks it is ok to one-up everyone to the point where you can't stand them. Now, I understand that everyone has their moments. I for one have definitely fallen victim to the Penelope monster, yet I hope it really wasn't to the extent of the tutorial.

The moral of this story is please don't be one. Nobody will like you. Nobody will enjoy hanging out with you, except for maybe others of your kind. Thinking about that conversation makes my head hurt.

Just accept the fact that I'm cooler than you from the get-go and then I wouldn't have to brag about having been to all the Muppets' weddings. Got it?

Lesson #9

2009-10-12T22:59:00.001-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Quit being a pansy.

At a university where 1 in 4 students are married or engaged, I've been asking myself why I haven't been asked out on a real date since last fall semester. My first thought was "well, maybe I'm just not very attractive." Then I move in with 5 of the cutest girls in the world and 3 of them have as much luck as I do! So obviously that conclusion cannot be correct. So then I thought "well, maybe I'm just not cool enough." Not true. I'm hilarious and so are my roommates. We have quality personalities.

So then what is it??? I have yet to answer that question. But while I'm sitting here wondering why I never get a chance I hear boys saying "all girls date jerks so I never have a chance." What a bunch of bologna you pansies. Quality girls like my roommates and I can sniff those junkies from 50 miles away and we definitely stay away.

Do us a favor. Get up off your butts and make a girl's day. Asking her out on a date is not asking for a commitment...and you just might be surprised how many amazing girls there are out there.

Lesson #8

2009-04-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective includes:

1.) Moses is freaking sexy.

I've always kinda had a thing for men from the scriptures who lived thousands of years ago. Captain Moroni - what a hunk. He was totally my numero uno...until this past weekend! I freaking forgot how much I love The Ten Commandments and the amazingly beautiful Charlton Heston...until his hair turns gray, because that's kinda weird. But when he's working in the slave pits and he's all shirtless and sweaty and sexy...mmm. Also, I watched Prince of Egypt, which if you haven't seen you must do right this second. It is like the bestest movie ever. And if that cartoon character was human I would be all over him.

So if you're feeling down you should rent both of those movies and drool over the gorgeous depictions of Moses. It will make you more depressed and lonely.

Lesson #7

2009-03-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objective is:

1.) Awkward people smiling awkwardly in awkward places.

It's just my luck that I happen to be one of the most unsmiley people in the world, especially in one of the most smiley places on earth. I just attract the strangest half-smiles all over the place! They are commonly the result of one of two situations.

First - I will catch someone staring at me, but it's not even in an appropriate people-watching place. They'll be sitting right across from me on the bus, and for some reason think they can get away with staring at me without being noticed. Then they finally realize I'm staring back at them, and they give that weird, half smile thing like we're best friends or something. My conclusion only comes to two options: they think I'm freaking hot or hideously ugly. In any case, why the freak are they smiling at me now? Is it supposed to make me feel better, especially since I just caught them judging me? Retards.

Second - The awkward bathroom smile. It's the WORST. It always happens in the same sequence; I come out of the stall, go to the sink to wash my hands, look up in the mirror and BAM! Some freaky chick next to me is smiling that sick half/awkward smile I despise. WHAT THE FREAK. I just can't tell if it means "I just heard you crap but it's ok because it's totally normal" or "I like your hair but I'm not going to say anything and the next best alternative is to smile creepily" or maybe even "I'm bathroom stalking you...if I kinda smile, maybe you'll finally notice". All of the above = nast.

Moral of the story: Just don't freaking smile unless you have a freaking good reason.

I'm moving to France.

Lesson #6

2008-11-30T22:08:00.000-08:00

In honor of Thanksgiving, today's Lesson Objectives include:

What you should be grateful for because for some reason you don't already know.

1.) Be grateful for the food that doesn't sit well in the stomach yet seems to be eaten in tons every freaking Thanksgiving.

You know what I'm talking about. There's always that one dish, always brought by some obscure aunt or second cousin you've never met before or who you see every 10 years. They always come over and freak out in your face that you've grown up so much and you look super dooper and all that jazz. Then they shove their "famous pumpkin pie" or "homemade green bean casserole" crap into your hands and tell you to put it on the table. This of course gives you full responsibility to have to take the first spoonful of the nasty shiz, and for some reason your grandma doesn't think you're taking enough and the next thing you know there's a whole heaping pile of it on your plate. Worst of all, they kept the freaking dog tied up in the backyard, so now you can't feed it under the table. So now the only thing to do is eat it all and have sick poop for the next couple of days. But that's ok, because children are starving all over the world so be grateful you have food to give you bowel issues.

2.) Be grateful that Christmas music has now been given permission to be played 24/7 without people complaining that Thanksgiving is a real holiday too.

I hate those people. They freak out when they walk into the grocery store on November 1st and see Christmas stuff displayed and hear Christmas music playing overhead. Over and over you hear their obnoxious complaints - "Thanksgiving is an important holiday!" or "Why doesn't anyone appreciate Thanksgiving anymore?". Oh please. Thanksgiving is a holiday for fat people and those weird relatives who get a chance to make their sick nasty "specialties", which are only created for this time of year. Christmas is the best and you can't even argue. Actually, I prefer Christmakkuh, but that's a different story. Basically, be grateful Christmas is almost here and shut everyone's mouth that disagrees, unless they're Jewish.

3.) Be grateful for all the reruns of Anne of Green Gables, which happens to be the best thing that ever happened to public television.

I know what you're thinking. Those books/movies are only for old ladies and their cats and you have better things to do. Well, you're wrong. Spending most of my Thanksgiving weekend watching these movies while making paper snowflakes and eat an entire pizza by myself, I have come to respect and love these timeless classics. Perhaps the fact that I had almost no human contact that whole weekend and I devoted many many hours to sleeping on the couch in front of the tv had something to do with it. Nevertheless, I suggest renting all 3 of those movies and perferably watching them alone, partly so no one makes fun of you and partly because there's something to this lonely cat lady thing. Then you will see why it is necessary to be grateful for the entire Anne of Green Gables series and all the warm fuzzy feelings that it gives you.

Lesson #5

2008-11-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Things that suck about men.

Men are pigs. They are the most vile, sick, putrid beings to ever walk the earth. They have little or no regard for other people's feelings. They can never bring themselves to commit to anything. Men are worthless to society unless they have money to shell out for the public good or they are willing to take out the trash. Worst of all, they only care about "spreading their seed" and eating cake, both of which require a woman's effort.

2.) Things that don't suck about men.

They can be very handsome and nice to look at. I'll get back to you if I think of anything else.

3.) Why women should never get married.

Females are the superior gender in all walks of life. They don't need men to succeed, men need them. Women are smarter, kinder, and better at everything. If they tie themselves down to inferior creatures, they are wasting their time and efforts. Men will never change, ladies. But you can do something for yourself today.

ps. This lesson has been dedicated to all boys who's names rhyme with "Spandrew".

Lesson #4

2008-10-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives Include:

1.) Playing the game "human knot" will never be the same after attempting it with Japanese kids.

When I tell you to picture an Asian person talking, what do you see and hear? There's a good chance that it is a small person with jet black hair speaking gibberish in a high-pitched sort of whiny voice. I don't mean disrespect to any Asians, but you have to admit this is what is pops into your head. And it's true. Now take that person you see and transform it into a 14 year old Japanese boy. Now add 30 more of them. Now picture them all in a circle holding hands trying to get themselves out of a knot they put themselves into and crank of the volume of their voices about 20 times. See it?

Absolutely hilarious.

2.) French hates everyone.

I'm talking about the language, not the people, though that is a definite possibility. I suppose french isn't so hard to learn if you are exposed to it all the time and study really hard, but what happens when you are a college student and you could care less? You guessed it. The stupid language decides to ruin your gpa. And on top of that you paid money to take the class and you still can't speak a lick of it. Word of advice: make everyone learn english.

3.) The laundromat is a haven for intellectual thinkers.

There is just something about the laundromat that calms your soul and cleanses the mind. Perhaps it is that intoxicating smell of detergent, or the fact that the heat is always on full blast. Whatever the case, it seems to bring out the best in everyone. Those who care about their grades find it a relaxing place to do homework and concentrate. For the others, which includes me, the laundromat seems a place of limitless possibilities for the mind. It all of the sudden becomes possible for me to be able to sit and stare at the wall or the spinning dryers for an hour and a half and think of absolutely nothing and LOVE it. I will live in one someday, I have decided. That or the testing center.

Lesson #3

2008-10-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include...

1.) Find that one song that is so catchy it's annoying and sing it all around the apartment until everyone wants to shoot you.

My advice: pick a random song from a random musical. Sure, they may find it extremely annoying and want to bite your head off and feed it to the creepy kid who cuts the lawn out front, but soon enough they'll start singing it too. And when they start singing it, they start to love it almost or just as much as you do. Then you can create amazing musical fusion right in your own apartment! It's a great way to fix rivalries or release tension. I think this will eventually cause world peace and save many lives, to which I will not receive credit for.

2.) Think about your interests, skills, and values before you have to write them down.

The adviser I talked to today asked me to make a list of 25 interests of mine, 25 skills I possess, and 25 things I value. You think it's easy until you have to write it all down. I ended up having to say that I am interested in eating food, I am skilled in the art of procrastination, and I value facebook. If this was a grade I would surely fail...which means I fail at life! Don't make the same mistake. Create your list right this second! Then you will have it handy for the next time someone asks.

3.) Watching movies from your childhood is always a hilarious experience.

All the movies that must be re-watched:
My Neighbor Totoro
Space Jam
Swan Princess
Princess Bride
pretty much any Disney movie

Make this your weekend to-do list.

Lesson #2

2008-10-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Midterms don't really matter if you've got a bag of oreos and some crazy music.

Your study sessions will never happen if you've got 2 or more girls with some major ADD and no desire to do homework, especially if you've waited until 1am to get started. So kick back, relax, and realize that you were going to fail that stupid test anyway. You might as well gain a couple pounds while you pass away your precious sleeping time talking about ridiculous boys and laughing at facebook pictures.

2.) Write yourself some letters so you don't feel like an idiot when you're the only one who doesn't receive any mail.

I'm writing 7 missionaries and a couple friends from back home and I still don't get any mail! I'm almost sick of waiting for the stupid mail truck everyday at 3:30pm when there's nothing to show for it. And what's worse is that I'm the first one there and I'm always the one with NO mail, minus some retarded ads for 30% off the next time you get your wisdom teeth out. Do someone a solid and write them a sweet letter or send them a cheesy card - it's the thought that always counts. Besides, there's a good chance their camping out by the mailbox waiting for their life to take some new direction.

1.) Don't let your uncertain future affect the way you live today. (You need a real lesson every now and then!)

I've been totally stressing in the past couple of days about my major and trying to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm stuck between trying to take one day at a time and being able to decide my major so that I can graduate in the time I was hoping to, between trying to figure out myself and the person I want to be or should be, between figuring out if I should go the distance with my education or just take the bare minimum. I decided to go to the advisement center on campus and talk to someone who could help me figure out a major for me, or at least point me in the right direction. While I was waiting on the bus for my stop, I picked up a school newspaper that was on the seat next to me. The cover story was about one of President Monson's talks at General Conference, and it read "I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future. Instead, find joy in the journey now." I felt so silly for being so blind to it all. Basically, all I'm trying to say is keep your eyes on the future but don't let go of today. It's all you get for the time-being.

Lesson #1

2008-10-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson Objectives include:

1.) Never leave your apartment without your ID card if you plan on taking a test that day.

If a 20 minute walk to campus doesn't sound bad enough, try forgetting the most crucial item of your college life in your freaking apartment so you have to make 2 trips to campus. Oh, and it's to take an exam, which you never wanted to do in the first place. So at the end of the day you're grumpy from failing a test written in another language and walking till your legs fall off. Bad plan.

2.) Putting off homework is a bad idea but can greatly improve your social life.

Homework is lame sauce, and your freshman experiences only come once! Besides, you have 3 more years to bring your gpa back up. Even if you have absolutely nothing to do, avoid homework at all costs. Go listen to music, create inspirational messages to hang all over your apartment, stare at your roommate until they realize you're not talking anymore, or facebook it up. Chances are you're going to get married and drop out of college anyway, so go do something stupid.

3.) The roommates start to get a little crazy after 10pm, so watch yourself.

As we speak, my ridiculous "roomies" are taking insane pictures of themselves. They're not those cute funny pictures either. Pretty much I could print them off and send them to a mental institution as proof that those girls that live across the hallway need to be locked up. They are a danger to society at 10pm, and a danger to themselves after midnight. It's best to just let them do their own thing before they decide it would be better if you were doing it with them. Don't aggrivate the situation - they'll be normal by morning...hopefully.